Andy Samberg oneshots :/

Punishment - Jake Peralta

Request by mholian
__

Y/n was at her desk, beside Rosa's, and briefly looked up from her computer, as a loud ding filled the air, soon followed by the elevator's opening doors.

Unsurprisingly, it was Jake, coming in late, as always. Punctuality had never been his thing.

"Oh, look who's finally here..." she mocked him, looking down at her watch "...Only fifteen minutes late! That's impressive, Peralta"

The detective, already frustrated enough, rolled his eyes, and sat down at his desk, leaving his brown leather jacket on the backrest of his chair.

"So, what's your excuse, this time?" she smirked, getting up from her chair and walking towards his desk with her arms folded in front of her chest "...Your mommy didn't wake you up in time?"

"You know I live alone, y/l/n" he replied harshly, looking up at her, as he turned on his computer "...I just couldn't sleep yesterday, and didn't hear the alarm"

"That's really lame... I thought it would've been funnier" she teased him "...Like I fell into a sewer and got fucked by a giant fish kind of thing..."

"Ha ha, so funny..." he said sarcastically "I still wonder why you're a cop and not a stand-up comedian... oh, right, 'cause your jokes suck"

By now, the whole precinct was looking at them. Some people were just annoied by all that talking, but most of them just wanted to see how it was going to end.

Rosa was hoping in a fight, Amy in using her skills of conflict resolution (she had a brand new binder just for that), and Charles in a kiss.

He really shipped them.
Like, a lot.

It was starting to get exhausting, actually.

"Did your father teach you that insult?... oh right, he left you too soon, to get to that" she said, with a mischievous grin on her face.

Those words got under his skin, making all the repressed rage inside him spill out, as he snapped.

"Oh, you think you're so perfect? Because from what I can see, your life isn't that great either, y/l/n! ...Or should I say 'mama's least favourite'?"

Y/n gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. He shouldn't have said that.

She clenched her jaw, trying to keep the tears in, since she knew that everyone was looking at her now.

She didn't want to let them see her cry.
She didn't want their pity.

"Why did you say that?" she shakingly said, loud enough to let him hear her.

She couldn't help it, as a tear slipped out, falling on her cheek.

"Oh, and now you start crying?" he scoffed, still too upset to see what he had caused "You're not getting my pity, y/l/n"

She tightened her fist, and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

Now, the captain was watching too.
He had walked out of his office, hearing all that arguing, and was about to intervene, when it happened.

"...You will never be her favourite" he whispered, grinning.

That's when she punched him in the face.

Holt angrily walked closer to the detectives, very disappointed in the both of them.

"Y/l/n! Peralta! That is enough!" he yelled.