Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

54. To be: homesick

The next few days were a lot of talking about me, my strained throat and minor concussion, while I had to keep quiet until I slowly was allowed to speak again.

Sebastian found it especially weird that I wouldn't speak to him, so he decided that he wasn't going to do that either - and kept his mouth shut too, like a pretend game that no one but him and I were aware of.
The quiet game, he proudly named it. Because just as he went out of the room he began to ramble about anything and told Vanessa every little bit about his invention. I giggled when i heard that, just as I blinked a few extra times because Sebastian had gone home.

Just three days after that I began to quietly talk again, in a raspy, careful and almost mumbling voice.
"Hi", I said as cautiously as possible, while the doctor observed me.
"Hello, hello, hello", Lin said in response. I giggled, looked down on my lap, as I sat there in a pair of rather old sweatpants, while wearing the biggest knitted sweater Vanessa possibly could find, listening to what the doctor was saying again.
"So, take it easy and don't overwork it. We're also going to take you off some meds before going home, mainly downing the amount of antidepressants and sedatives-", the doctor, whom I'd already forgotten the name of, said while handing me some sort of schedule. "It can be tough as your body's adjusting in and out of different medications-", he kept going, after a little pause. "So, keep to this scheme and if something's up-" she looked at Lin and Vanessa, "call or, preferably, get to the hospital immediately"
They nodded, taking in every ounce of information they possibly could.
I bluntly stared at the schedule in front of me. Painkillers and my antidepressants that I knew the name of, but also some new faces that apparently made their way into my body through the intravenous drip. That I couldn't control.
Now I would have to swallow them. Something that I could control, finally.
You've got to make up for the ones you've missed, I told myself.
"Rue?", Vanessa said, searching for my attention. I looked up at her. She held my hand, pressing it down.
I'd been tapping again.
I mouthed a 'sorry', looking down on my lap again, as I started biting my lip again.

When the doctor left, Vanessa collected all the papers we'd been given in the past twenty minutes in a folder, with "RUTH" written on it in big letters. I bet they had one for Sebastian too.
I'd learned to be in this silence. I liked the way it was calm, the way I didn't get nightmares in the night. The way Lin complained about the watery hospital coffee, rhetorically questioning if he should convert to tea.
We'd all found our own way to be in this hospital room. It wasn't like before, but it was with them. The bare walls, filled with one piece of art of some unknown artist with several copies in all the rooms, the same picture. Such a lonely place, where everything looked the same but wasn't. Little changes no one liked. I had to be there, being the change.
I tapped, even though Vanessa had told me not to just a minute or two ago.
I felt like a TV set on mute here. Physically and mentally.
"Sorry", breathed, quiet enough to be unable to hear what I said, loud enough for it to hurt my throat. For no one to hear, even though I needed them to hear it. I didn't want to be muted anymore, in a room where so many people had done the same before me.
Lin looked up from the chair on my left, right by the helium balloon that said 'get better!', from the cast. The most cheesy thing, ever.
He lifted his left eyebrow.
"Huh, Niñita?", he said.
"N-nothing. You said Carson called?", I asked, trying to save the situation and not get busted. He picked up his phone, as I wasn't allowed to have mine because of the investigation and the minor concussion I'd gotten, which was another reason for me to stay on mute.
"Yeah, hoping you'll get better- oh, that reminds me; I also need to buy you a peach ice tea from him, and wait-", he smiled towards me, holding up a finger in order for me to wait, scrolling through the messages on his phone. "And a certain Dominic rang too, from school, he said?", Lin looked up at me, suspiciously.
I grinned, just enough to form a little dimple.
Dom called to check on me.
And Carson, for that matter, but that wasn't a nice surprise I wasn't expecting.
Dom. Dom.
Lin beamed back at me, ecstatic from the fact that I'd smiled again.