Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

75. To get: used to

[A/N: A new chapter for all of you! And it's the 75th. What the fluff? It genuinely made me laugh. Who in their right mind would ever want to read 75 chapters of this?🥲 So to you all who are here, still reading this, thank you. Thank you so much. From me and Rue: I love you. I hope you like this💓]

I was walking a little behind Lin in the hallway, backstage at the Richard Rodgers Theater. He was holding my hand, reminding me that I wasn't alone. I had taken it the second we got out of the hallway; knowing that I wouldn't be able to walk a step if it wasn't for him. And I knew I wanted to be here and see these people so badly, but I had been shaking as we left the apartment. And Lin hadn't let go of my hand since.

He signed in for the matinee, as the final three weeks before the Tony Awards began today. He was going back full time to the show, because this was among the most important weeks of the year.

We were a little early, and didn't really pass anyone in the corridor until Amber said Hi! from her office, clearly a bit stressed about something as she was on the phone to someone.

I had barely heard her.
Because my mind was elsewhere.
On the paper of which I had written nothing on, to be specific.
On the fact that I had to stand in front of people; in front of him; in just two weeks.
On the fact that I had to be strong.
And show that he hadn't won.

"Keeping the show running, as always", Lin told Amber, smiling.
"Who else would?", she jokingly said, until she put her finger up, seeming to have come through to whoever she was talking to. "Yes, hi-"
We walked up a few flight stairs, and reached Lin and Jonathan's dressing room.
"Well, here we are", Lin said, putting down his backpack. I looked around the place. It looked exactly the same. "Not much has changed", he smiled at me.
"No-", I said back, sitting down on the couch. My eyes pinned at the framed picture at his table. "That's new", I pointed at it. It was a picture of us - the whole family - sitting together, smiling at the camera. I recognised the setting. It was right after they had given me the final adoption papers. I beamed at him.
"Yeah. Of course it had to join the collection", he told me, grinning as he unpacked his bag.
I tapped, just in case.
Suddenly we heard a knock on the door. Chris' head peaked inside.
"Hey, Lin! Here's the coffee...", he exclaimed, a little out of breath. I couldn't help but jump a bit, not in control of my irrational reflexes. "And hi Rue!", he added after seeing me on the couch. He walked inside.
"Hi Chris", I said back, trying to stay calm and take each minute as it came; feeling the wall inside building itself again.
"How are you, kiddo?", he asked, handing Lin the to-go cup.
"I'm alright. Excited to be here", I said, slowly piecing the sentence together as I tried to ignore the routines in my mind. "You?", I asked him as I was trying to remember how to have a conversation.
"I'm good, just good. Are you stage dooring today?", he turned to Lin, who had already probably drunk half the cup of coffee.
"No, wasn't planning on it", Lin said, and even though he didn't exactly mention it, I knew it was because of me. Chris nodded.
"Alright! I thought I'd get some playbills signed by as many people as possible, and hand them out at the stage door. I'll leave them on the table in the common room, so spread the word, will you?", Chris said, holding up a bunch of playbills. Lin grinned, nodding happily.
"Count on me", he said, and Chris walked off to his dressing room.
I fiddled with my hands, letting go to the routine as I tapped in the pattern I liked.
Relieved no one but Lin could see me.
"You should stage door, Lin... I don't-", but he cut me off, shaking his head, knowing where I was about to head with that sentence.
"No. You're not holding me up, Niñita. I usually don't stage door on two dow shays", he reassured me, saying the same things he always said. And, he was looking right at me as he knew I would always assume he was lying.
He didn't seem to be.
"Plus, V and Seb are coming to pick you up after the show and I wanna see them", and while Lin said that, he took my hand so I wouldn't tap.
"Okay", I gave in, and forced myself to believe that what he was saying was true.
"So...", he began, only took look at his clock. "People are going to start turning up in the next five to ten minutes. Do you wanna come along and say hi?"
Hesitantly, I nodded, and put on a smile.
I had to remind myself that this was why I'd even asked the question to come to the Rodgers' in the first place - that even now, when the thought of people's faces seemed scary, I was doing this for myself.
Everything was a step forward.
"And you'll tell me when it gets too much?", he kindly asked, looking out for me in every way possible.
"I will, Lin", I said, rolling my eyes. I was trying to sound sarcastic, like a teenager would, but he knew I was just trying to cover up my stressed out mind.
He laughed, maybe because he was excited to see me crack a joke again.
"Good. Let's go", and took my hand as he lead the way, constantly letting me know the he was by my side at all times.