Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

84. To testify

[Before anything: Trigger warning for mentions of self harm, r*pe and suicide. Please don't read if that triggers you]

[A/N: The chapter you've probably all been waiting for is here. I hope I don't disappoint💗]

Rue's POV
It was just minutes until I was going to go into the courtroom. I kept looking at the clock above the door, though time went just as slowly as it always did. So, I looked again, just to be sure.
I could feel Lin and Vanessa looking over at me with concern, as I was sat next to Vanessa on a bench and Lin was standing next to it. And, I couldn't blame them for their worried looks, considering how I'd been this morning.
I looked down on my hands, realising I was fiddling and tapping in the pattern I liked. Besides that, I had unwillingly begun to shake my legs.

That's new, I thought to myself.

Vanessa put her hand on mine, squeezing it tight.
"It'll be alright", she assured me.

I'm not so sure of that, I thought.

Yet, I nodded, and checked that the paper I had written my statement on was folded up in the back pocket of my trousers. It was.
I looked down at my hands again, checking that the bandages around my arms weren't showing. They weren't, but my arms were hurting. It had been a long time since the last time I had scratched them.

I was wearing a simple navy small-floral-patterned shirt blouse with a white, knitted, cardigan over it and a pair of matching navy dress pants. To that, I had a pair of flats on. My hair was down, and I had a navy blue head band on. Vanessa had bought me the clothes the week before. I hadn't really cared for it, but both Jade and Vanessa had agreed that they didn't want me to look older than I was.
And, obviously, realised why that was.
I just wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to wear these clothes again.
However much I liked them.

I checked my phone, which I hadn't done since I'd woken up. Maybe because of avoidance. There were three texts, all from three different people. The first one was from Sepi.

>> I heard from Dr Noma that the trial was today. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you wanna talk or so. Before or after.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but the text made me calm but also more stressed. It was as if the text had made it more real. I couldn't bring myself to reply, even though I was grateful for her concern.

Maybe after, I thought to myself.
Everything was after now.

The second one was from Carson.

>> I don't know if this will help, but I did my testimony last week and it's scary but it'll be fine. He's gonna go down for what he did. And you're a flipping force of a person who's going to ace this. Call me if you need a pep talk. Or don't if you feel like it'll make it worse. I'll be chanting your name at my place, anyway!

He had briefly told me that he was going to testify, when I had told him that I was going to. Somehow it gave me a little comfort, knowing that he had been sitting in the same chair as I was supposed to sit in. And, like with Sepi, I couldn't bring myself to reply. Maybe because I was scared that his positivity would rub off on me; that I'd take the win for granted when I wasn't even sure I'd make it into the room.

The final text was from Dom.
I anxiously swallowed, ashamed by how I had acted just a few hours ago.

>> Hey, Ruth. Thinking of you❤️

It was such a small thing to say, but it was meaningful to read and hear. On the one hand, it was a romantic thing to write, but on the other, it served another purpose. That even though I had freaked him out, that I had shown him the darkest part of me even though I hadn't wanted to, he was still thinking of me.