Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

96. To promise: nothing

[A/N: I almost didn't want to press publish on this one. Because this means I am beginning to say goodbye to this story. It is with a saddened and warm heart that I announce that this is part one of the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it ✍️❤️]

It was around half twelve the next day, and we had just arrived at J. Hood Wright Park. It was close to us, and we probably could have walked there. However, with a car loaded with catered food and drinks for the day, and an almost 2-year-old toddler, Vanessa had opted for the car.
I was carrying Sebastian in my arms, as we walked from the car to the part of the park where Lin and Vanessa had started to organize a picnic. A farewell-for now-picnic they had called it.
"Mommy-", Sebastian quietly said, reaching towards Vanessa as she started unloading the car. He then started tugging on my white linen off the shoulder blouse, trying to get my attention.
"Mommy's coming, Seb-", I said, trying to sound calm even though I was feeling slightly overwhelmed by going somewhere by myself, let alone being responsible for Sebastian. So I stopped right before the gate into the park, watching as Vanessa came walking with a fold up table in her arms, and a paper bag of plastic and paper tableware thrown over the shoulder.
"Mommy!", Sebastian shouted, making Vanessa laugh.
"I'm coming, Sebastian, I'm coming-", she said, smiling as she came up to us. "Little man", she said as she put the table down, so she could kiss the temple of Sebastian's head. "You'll have to stay with Hermana, okay? She's fun, right?", Vanessa said, sounding the perfect amount of excited and calm as she stated the facts.
He nodded, looking at her with big eyes.
"Alright, let's go", she announced, resuming to carry the table to the green area in the middle of the park. I walked a little behind her.
There were other people there, like there always was at a park. I couldn't help but start blinking, the response being almost automatic.
She stopped in a spot on the big green patch that was shadowed by a tree, as the sun stood high. She quickly unfolded the table.
"Gosh, I hope it doesn't start raining-", Vanessa said, looking up at the sky, analysing the clouds. "I mean, we can always take the party home...", she pondered, looking at the table while logically thinking about the situation.
She put on a smile, and turned towards me.
I was still blinking. A lot.
"Are you okay with taking Seb? I just have to get the remaining things. He loves the bridge on the playground-", she said, sounding slightly stressed.
"I know he loves it", I pointed out, putting on a smile. Vanessa smiled back.
"Ah, what would I do without you?", she said, pulling me and Sebastian in for a hug. "Lin will probably be here in a few minutes as well", she told me, referring to the fact that Lin had taken Tobi on a walk from the apartment.
"Yeah, yeah", I said, smiling again, trying to put on a mask and feel like I could, actually, do it.
"Alright. Truly okay?", Vanessa asked me again, probably because I was blinking.
We both knew I always did this.
Sometimes I'd be okay, and sometimes not.
"I'm okay, V", I said, sounding more confident than I was. She nodded, and turned around to go get some more things from the car.

I hesitantly put Sebastian down on the ground, as he refused to stay in my arms any longer.
"Down!", he told me, sounding frustrated. He got quiet when he got down, and started to walk off towards the playground. He walked a little focused and clumsily, just like any toddler would.
"No, no... Hey, Seb, hold my hand", I said, bending down slightly in order for him to reach it. He quickly grabbed it, and his small hand fell into mine. I quickly looked around me to see where we could go.
I glanced over the playground, and realized that there already were kids playing there and parents staying by their sides. A slightly overwhelming feeling came over me. What if Sebastian would get hurt in my presence? What if he'd get hurt because of me?
I anxiously looked down, and opted for staying by the table Vanessa had put up.
Just in case.
I needed to be okay.
And the chances were much higher if I stayed there.
Just in case.
"Seb, let's put down the picnic blanket and play with your train friends on it", I announced, hoping that he would approve.
Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind, and I could steer us back the few meters we had moved.
I pulled out one of the picnic blankets Vanessa had packed and put it on the grass. Sebastian instantly sat down and started to play nicely when I gave him his trains.
I sat down next to him, and tried to focus on what he was doing rather than the millions of thoughts that were building up inside of me.
He held out a train, the red one, for me.
"Here", he said, assigning it to me.
It was almost as if he knew I needed to be distracted.
"Thank you, Seb", I told him, and began playing with him.
"Choo choo!"