Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

46. To announce

I looked out over the little ocean of people in the Theater. Lin had just grabbed the mic, and even though I'd freaked out on the walk to here - I sat straight up on the scene, my feet dangling over the edge.
"People should never allow me to do this announcements, since my PowerPoints usually consists of useless information", Lin started. "So - important info - the bus leaves at eight. Y'all work eight days a week, but on Tuesday; you need to be there. Eight", Lin said, scrolling through the PowerPoint while making a Beatles reference. "Lovely", looking at the awfully photoshopped photo of him, leaning on the bus.

That went on for a couple of minutes, until I heard my name.
"Also, Rue's coming with-", he said, handing the mic to me, as he whispered. "It's exciting, 'cause she never wants to do these things"
I rolled my eyes.
"But honestly, this is important, heads up people", he quickly mentioned, as I held the mic, uncomfortably sitting on the edge of the stage.
"...well, hi", I said, briefly smiling as I was saying it in such a stiff way when looking out over at the many eyes that were staring at me.
"Hi Rueee!", most of the eyes said in unison.
"So, um. You see me quite often, but, um seeing me all the time is a whole other level", trying to form sentences that made sense, as at this point I was tapping my thigh.
Just get over with it, they'll hate you either way.
"I... I have OCD, like um, I do things, ticks, and sometimes I just can't stop it", I blurted. The look on their faces wasn't full of hatred - it was, to be honest - unreadable. Which was just a teeny tiny bit too much for me.

Why couldn't I just have asked Lin to write it in his information email, or over text.
This wasn't important for them, it wasn't needed.

"Just, don't tip toe around me, please, usually I'll fix it myself", I looked at my lap, blinking until it felt right - then looked back up.
At that time, Lin had gotten the mic back, nodding at me - just to check if I was okay.
I mouthed an "okay" back. Then, he began to fill in my speech with - according to him - important stuff.
The panic rose. My heart beat felt from tip to toe, I could hear it beating in 120.
"Actually, she usually doesn't. Tell me or distract her", he said to start out. I'd told earlier that he could fill out, because I'd known that I couldn't move forward after the small things I'd said. People seemed to nod. They looked serious. It's not that serious.
"And we all know that Hamilton is full of all kinds of people. That's what it's about - what we want to share", looking at me, lovingly. "So, maybe Rue doesn't want to talk about it - but it is necessary", he said calmly. Then he checked me, as I checked everything that felt to be checked. Like my morning routine, if I'd done it right, if there's something I'd missed, if there's something I've got to do to make it unmissed...
"I'm not gonna highlight it more", he concluded, probably after seeing me. "Okay. Rehearsal for Obamas in 30 minutes", Lin smiled, and all of the faces in the audiences nodded - a silent, confused, yet excited, nod.
I breathed out.
I think my lungs stopped working for at least a minute.
I breathed in.
I looked at Vanessa, on my left side - standing out of sight for people, hiding behind the curtains.
I quickly walked off-stage, looking at the floor, not stepping on any cracks. Something that never seemed to go away. The cracks.
"Rue, you okay?", she asked, looking at me from tip to toe. She never tip toed, though. She was V. Always observing, always being kind, always being there.
"Yeah", I said, short and quick.
"Everyone has some kind of ABC. You know that. That's what makes people people", she beamed at me.
I smirked, looking up at her.
"Can we go now?", I said, putting up my hair for the twentieth time since this morning.
"Ruth April Eileen Leighton Miranda, you're not just walking out on them", she said, making me close my mouth. My name. She added the Miranda. And Eileen.
Come on, Eileen.
"I'll just take a walk, V. Need some air", I said, trying to escape the situation in every possible way. "-And, I'm not a Miranda. I don't deserve it"
I was already dashing for the door.
Walking fast, not running. Not being suspicious.
I mean, come on Eileen, you're not like this.
I just wanted to walk.
While people thought about me.
Thought about how crazy I am.
I blocked all the voices out.
Out of the door, repressing the Theater to the back of my mind.
This, as I walked, and walked, and walked.