Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

77. To plan

[A/N: A fun little chapter coming your way. Get ready, put on a blanket, pour yourself a cup of tea and get a snack too. Enjoy!😌]

"It's not weird that I'm coming with, right?", Sepi asked next to me as we slowly made our way through the streets.
"No, no. Carson loves meeting new people. And I'm absolutely convinced he's going to get on well with you", I said, positively rambling on about anything to distract myself from my thoughts, as I avoided every little crack in the sidewalk.

Having coffee with Carson and Sepi today was a stretch. But, it was Tuesday and I had promised myself to make it to as many Tuesdays as I could.
Because, I always felt better after.
And so, I sucked it up.
It was for my own good.

Just a few meters away, Carson was standing right outside Tua's, waving excitedly.
"Hey!", he exclaimed, smiling brightly. "And I guess you're the famous Sepi?", he asked, barely able to contain his excitement, holding out his hand.
"Well, yeah", Sepi said, laughing a little, and they shook hands.
"Ready for some coffee? Or ice tea, which is the ruemarkable choice", Carson asked, already heading inside. Sepi followed, but my feet were frozen to the ground; having integrated with the asphalt.
I couldn't go in there.
Everything inside of me was against it.
Every thought and routine were screaming at me not to do it, ready with new routines if I did.
"Guys? Can't we just get takeaway or something-", I managed to get it out without my voice breaking, but the fear was still very prominent.
Sepi walked back and linked arms with me, determined as she spoke next.
"We walked here together. And now we're going to your favourite coffee shop together. See? You're training; relearning", she said, so well-spoken. I still wouldn't move forward, as she tugged on my arm.
You can't go in there.
Someone will die if you do.
"I know it's scary. It sends shivers down my spine, too. Just not as much anymore", now Carson had linked his arm in my left. "The moment you step inside the fear will step down a little. It does for me", Sepi said, smiling a little to the side.
"Let's go", Carson encouraged me.

I thought and thought and thought about what could happen; desperately challenging thought after thought.

Then, I slowly nodded after a while, and felt weirdly empowered with them by my side as we walked inside - the three of us connected, side by side, taking up the entire entrance - and made our way to order.

I realised that what Sepi had said was true; the moment I stepped inside, the worry of what could happen if I did blurred a little and something else came into my depth of field.

Mr Tua smiled as he saw us.
"The usual?", he asked, as if no time had passed. I nodded, not feeling ready to speak just yet as I could feel the sight of our usual table nagging into my neck.
And, I wasn't sure if I was going to eat.
So, I guessed that an ice tea would be fine.
"The usual", Carson said confidently, holding me tightly as our arms were still linked.
"It's good to see you, Rue", Mr Tua said, nodding my way as he started preparing the two ice teas. I nodded again, smiling this time. He knew. "And what about you?", Tua asked as he turned to Sepi, ready to put it into our order.
Sepi looked a little stressed, looking at all the items on the menu; deep into her mind.
"J-j-just a plain c-coffee, please", she said hesitantly, still scanning the different beverages. She looked down and popped a reusable cup out of her tote bag. "C-could you put it in this, please? I'm...", but before she could explain herself, Mr Tua took the cup gladly, smiling at her.
"No problem", he said, and put on a new pair of gloves before he started handling her cup.
Carson paid, and Sepi stood by the counter as she overlooked the making of her coffee.

Soon, we all had our drinks.
Mine without decorations.
Carson's with all of the decorations.
Sepi's in her to-go-cup.
"Where do you want to sit?", Carson asked, looking out over the space.
My head was already fixed on the spot where we used to sit. But, I couldn't sit there anymore. It was like that spot in the hallway, at home, where I couldn't breathe anymore.
I nodded to the opposite of the venue.
A table just by the window, the furthest table away from our usual spot that I could find and where I didn't have to look at that table.
I followed Carson's lead, and sat down just by the window. Sepi sat down next to me, her back leaning against the window, and Carson across from me at our round table.