Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

49. To start: over

It was late March and I was, yet again, standing outside the school building of my past. 27th of March. Two days until opening night.
Vanessa rolled down the car window.
"Lin picks you up after lunch. All set then?", she said, smiling towards me.
"Yeah. Think so", I said, briefly.
"Call me if something's up", she added, nodding towards me. "Okay. Have fun, Niñita!", trying so hard to make me feel well.
What's worse than being sick yourself? Having a kid that's sick. Or mentally sick. Sometimes that's even worse.
You just don't know what's next.
I nodded.
"Bye, V", telling & smiling at her, as she watched me walking into the yard, driving away after a while.
I didn't turn around.
Today wasn't a major deal to me, but it was to her.
So, I turned around too late. Too late, as the car was on another street, far, far away from me.
Actually, I didn't know what was too scary. Doing something faulty, facing Via or facing all the people inside the building in front of me.
I picked my scab on my wrist, something I hadn't done in a week or two. The old wounds never went away. And now, I was defenceless, in school, nervous and I'd just done another wrong thing today.
Eventually, it bled a little. A sigh of relief. I pressed my finger against it, stopping the bleeding. Everything was good again.
"Rue!", a happy, male voice, shouted at me to catch my eye. He came walking towards me, looking brighter than ever.
"Caaars", I giggled, hugging him. "Making yourself at home?"
He rolled his eyes.
"Already done", and so we walked through school together - I, a bit after him, being the less extroverted one of the two.
Suddenly, I saw Via at the end of a corridor, sitting by Guy the guy, her boyfriend. I'd seen her Instagram, not making a sound on there as she didn't speak to me. Didn't like ones pictures. We hadn't even exchanged a couple of words since the incident. The math test. The day of the panic attack. The happening of a freak. I wonder what she thinks of it as. What she calls it. The day her freaky best friend broke down in the school toilets, started to wash her hands like a maniac and tapped everything around her?

"Uh, Rue? Let's go, you've got to meet everyone", Carson broke through my mindset, as I was on stand by.
I gave Via an extra look, just as she gave me one. Quickly, she was back to Guy. I moved my eyes to the ground, feeling the extreme urge to pick my scab once again.
She's got new friends now. You're replaced. Accept it, I told myself.
I mean, why'd she keep in contact if I was the one not in school and off the radar most of the time. Met three months ago, saw the friend less than 50% of the possible time. Who can blame her, really?
Though, it is your fault, innit?
Probably. Most definitely.
I started biting my lip, focusing on everything but the urge of scratching my wrist.
Didn't step on any cracks, going in the shadow of Carson, my shield.
I'll probably f*ck up this friendship too, won't I?
Yeah. Obviously, you're born to f*ck everything up.
First scratch.
Relief.
Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch.
Blood. Wet, dark red, blood.
I could breath again. Hear again.
A big smile plastered on my face as I sat down beside him, looking down at my lap, where I was trying to make the bleeding stop. Hopefully they were smiling back at me.
"Hi people", Carson said out in the blue. "How's life this splendid Monday?"
A guy with glasses and curly hair groaned.
"Splendid? It's 8:30, Carson. Apparently my next class is cancelled, but I'm still here, waiting", the guy said, rolling his eyes. "Also, hi, new person. Who are you?", the still unnamed person turned to me; smiling this time.
At least someone grinned back.
"Rue. And you?"
"Dom. And Rue, short for?", the newly acquaintanced Dom told & asked in the same line.
I was already back at scratching my wrist again.
"Huh? Uh, Ruth. And Dom's short for Dominic, I suppose?", giggling at him.
Suddenly, I was open for new things, laying eyes on every other that Cars had managed to meet in a few days.
"Okay, quick round, left to right. Dom, Stella, and Parker", Carson introduced me to the people, as they nodded towards me; or said something greetingly. I wondered if they knew I was the Locker-Knocker or the girl who went nuts.
Stella looked nice; long blond hair, brown eyes. Parker too, though he had long black hair; up in a bun. I said a quiet 'hi' and then Carson took the lead, as I took a quick look at the clock.
"Sorry, um, got a meeting with mr Sawyer", excusing myself in the group of people I barely knew. It was like the first day of school; awkward & the tension between all of the new kids, not being acquainted with everyone yet.