Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

26. To get: help

Rue's pov
"Rue? Niñita?", surprised by Lin's almost worried exclaim, I glanced up from my sketchbook as he leant over the sofa, where I sat. "Me and V need to tell you something", he smiled a sad smile.
"Okay?", I questioned.
Vanessa sat down beside me.
"We... um. We're worried about you. We know you're not doing alright, that you haven't been for quite a while", she said.
That surprised me.
I was completely well.
What did she mean?
Tap the cushion 56 times. Or - they'll die.
Although, I didn't say a word. I just sat there, waiting for the next line, casually tapping - which I noticed Vanessa was glancing at.
"We decided that you need to get to a therapist", Lin quickly said, dropping the bomb.
"Oh. Okay", my answer was quite flat, trying to comprehend the information, still confused. I decided not to ask, though.
"It's your routines, Rue-Rue. Your tapping - it's not healthy", Vanessa added, like she'd read my face.
Your routines are completely normal.
"We just want to help, niñita. We know it's been a lot of hospital rooms lately, but please don't worry about this", he said, kindly smiling in such a worried way - his eyes narrowing into mine. "Okay?"
You're not sick. Blink.
I blinked a few times.
"Yeah. Okay", I managed to say.
I still didn't understand why. I was completely alright, why couldn't they see that?
"And, um, it's tomorrow. We booked it, like, fifteen minutes ago. Still alright with it?"
Tap your fingers 23 times. Then redo that 7. Or she'll die.
"Um. Alright", I was almost like a robot. "Bu-but... I'm fine?"
The words flew out of my brain like a train from a station, hard to stop.
I just didn't understand.
I'm not sick.
"Sweetheart, niñita, you're not fine. Please stop saying you are", Vanessa said. Tobi jumped up on my lap, and I would pet her lightly.
I looked down, nodding.
"Tomorrow, then", still in a bit of a chock.
They are wrong, I told myself.
You're just a bit meticulous.
I break down, and can't do stuff properly until I've done it properly.
Nothing more.
"Yeah", he truly sounded sorry, yet worried. "Disney?", Lin suggested.
I smiled a little, nodding.
I'm sorry I am like this, both of you.
And I'm sorry I can't tell you that to your face.
I'm sorry that my mind can't stop, that I can't stop it.
Because, deep inside I know I'm sick.
I can't even handle a normal day like a normal person.
I just won't accept it.
You're not sick. You're totally fine.
Snap your fingers 7 times on each hand. Left one first.
With that, Lin pressed play and he cheered as the opening titles for The Little Mermaid started playing. He shouted in the most Anthony way possible.
"Let's give it up for the mermaid of honour, miss Ariel!"

•

Tuesday morning, and I was already up as I'd barely slept a minute this past night, not that the night was over yet, and then I'd remembered the essay for Biology that my teacher had kindly put to due on the first day back.
Sitting there on the floor, with the little, slow & almost broken, computer the system had provided me three years ago.
Trying to form sentences that made sense, as my mind interrupted my thinking at all times.
As time would pass by, I smashed my head onto the table the computer, my finger on the H just making a long row of the random letter as I'd started to write hemoglobin.
I finished the word slowly, my eyes fluttering closed as the tiredness poured over me. I looked at the time. 5:30.
Slowly, but peacefully, I drifted off to sleep.

"Niñita, wake up...", Lin's hands shook me awake. I confused, looked up at him. My computer had a warning saying 5 PERCENT CHARGE LEFT. "Hhhhhhhhheeeeemoooooooglobbbiiiiin", he cracked a laugh, articulating every syllable. "I was so positive I heard someone walk around at like 5, I should've gone up and looked", he hugged me from behind. "Couldn't you sleep?", still tired, I yawned and nodded.
"Sorry-", I began saying, but as soon as the word entered the air, Lin put a finger on my lips.
"Sleep a little more then, I'll walk Tobi. V has to head out to work, so you and I are going to the doctor's at eleven-", he said, picking up the little dog with her head resting on my thigh. "Okay?"
What was up with all the 'okay?'-s? You shouldn't care about my opinion.
"Can't sleep, I've gotta finish this assignment", I said, answering his first sentence. I could almost feel the concern from his eyes. Why was he concerned?
Reorganise your Biology folder. Or he'll die.
"And okay", I confirmed.
A little smile spread across his face.
"Rue, sleep. Please"
I shrugged my shoulders, finishing up the arranging.
"Maybe"
That made Lin to stop begging, at least. He seemed to start to speak, but then stopped.
Soon, he would leave the apartment to go to the park, and Vanessa would be up with Sebastian, getting ready for work and kindergarten.
I'd wave them goodbye as they left.
Then I'd be here, trying to focus. On my own, for once. Not that that was better. If it was something, it was worse.
Because then, no one could stop me. Or distract me.