Have you ever been singled out and was given the responsibility for no damned reason to deliver some horrible news to someone?
If not, okay.....
If yes, then read this just in case it happens again!
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Double jeopardy
"Here we go, it's Fatal Carbon Monoxide Poisonings for $100. The answer is YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY, now what was the question? You have three days..."
Supportive comparison
"Good luck at the concert tonight, Sally. You'll kill 'em, just like the rabid bear killed your parents!"
Summon the town crier.
"Oyey, oyez! People of this fine village, lend me thine ears! Syphilis hath taken its toll and this fine citizen shalt be dead upon the morrow! Oyey, oyez!"
Use the power of radio.
For Bubba from Tallahassee, whose only son just got eaten by a hungry alligator, here's Sir Elton John's smash hit "Crocodile Rock"!
Distract them with physical pain
*punch in the face* You only have two weeks to live!
Spray paint it on their car, house and, if possible, rear-end. Spray paint it on their cat.
Be sure to include 'sorry' for a touch of empathy.
Make them go find on their own
"Why I haven't seen your kitty cat all morning Susie; but maybe you should look under the front of daddy's car."
Inhale some helium from a balloon to add a touch of hilarity.
Tell them at the altar during the wedding ceremony
"I do. Also, I have a penis. Yeah, I probably should have mentioned this sooner, heh..."
Make it a nickname.
"Daddy's home, where's my little HIV-girl?"
Steal their phone and record it as their ringtone.
Pretend they won a prize
"Congratulations, Dianne! You're the one millionth person to get a check-up at our hospital! Guess what you've won!"
"What?"
"Free healthcare for the rest of your life! Two months worth! Woo!"
Save it for when you're losing an argument
"Oh Yeah? Well... Well.... You've got lung cancer!"
Get a parrot to say it.
Turn it into a poem
~o~
Cherry blossoms grow
When the spring comes around here
Too bad you have AIDS
~o~
Play I spy
"I spy with my little eye something ending with... AIDS"
"What?"
"Your life!"
Make them feel guilty to take the blame off yourself
"I'm sorry Bob, we couldn't save your mother. God has taken her up to heaven. I guess you just didn't love her enough."
Tattoo it on your knuckles
| Y | O | U | L | | L | D | I | E |
Take them out to an amusement park. Tell them right before a steep drop.
"I just wanted to tell you, dude...a bunch of junkies killed your wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!"
Through the magical art of Mime
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btw fanning ALL ppl that comment :DD
CITEȘTI
The BIG Book of RANDOM
AlteleBasically where I let out my random energy and things I would like the world to know. CAUTION: Too many intakes of random jokes may result in LAUGHTER :D
