The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 82

XAVIER ROCKWELL

I have been under absolute distraught all freaking day. One part of me is feeling rather guilty that I ignored Jordi yesterday even though he appeared desperate and was covered in sauce. But then the other part of me, the part that's heartless seemed to have won the battle and ended up choosing to ignore Jordi. I don't know why that part of me won maybe because I don't want to feel sorry for myself.

When I got home from that day, I was unpleasantly surprised to have received more text message from that very same anonymous person who sent me the video. I guess now, I know who this person was mostly because I know where the video was taken. But what she said in her texts made perfect sense when I tried to connect the dots. She just told me Jordi's been some sort of a player and initially, I wasn't even convinced but that's until she sent me proof. I am eventually convinced that Jordi's been playing both Zach and I. Aside from the video, she also sent me pictures of Jordi hanging out with Zach at a certain cafe, at the mall and even Jordi entering Zach's car. I don't how the fuck she got those photos aside from knowing that she's the president of the photography club. I do think it's creepy that she has those photos but the pain ruled over me.

It became pretty inevitable for me to not replay the video. I almost feel like a broken record for convincing myself to delete the message only to end up not doing it and replaying it instead. Maybe a part of me wants to magically edit the video and hope that person wasn't Jordi. The more I watch it, the more I'm getting enraged. The more I watch Jordi kiss Zach on my screen, the more anguish I feel. My heart seemed like it's being slowly crushed through a grinder on the inside. I may have shed a few tears because I'm truly in love with the guy. But I am in a dark place right now.

I eventually noticed I haven't been functioning well. I tried to cook egg and pork sausage for dinner and they ended up getting burnt. That's the simplest way to cook a meal and I just botched it. I ended up ordering pizza and beer.

The next day, I found myself sitting with Darren and Nixon during lunch. I know I told myself to create a few distance away from them but I just realized I don't really have much friends in this school. Sure, everybody knows who I am but that's the end of story.

"Yow, have you watched the video?" Nixon began putting light to a topic that I don't even want to open up to them. I thought the video was sent just for me but from what I've heard and observed from other people, it became apparent to me that it was sent to the whole school.

"Oh yeah. I saw that, man." Darren replied nodding with such enthusiasm. "Ain't that person wearing a dress... Jordi? I mean, bruh, he looked good though."

"Yeah, that fucking fag." Nixon scoffed.

"Zach kissed him back that means... Is he gay too?" Darren asked out of pure curiosity. I was just watching both Darren and Nixon exchange simple conversation but I am getting triggered on the inside. I wanted to forget about it but it kept on being brought up for some reason.

"Who gives a damn about it. If Zach touches me during practice, I'm going to make sure to beat the shit out of him." Nixon replied popping his knuckles out and doing some crushing action with it.

"Damn, you're way too homophobic, Nixon." Darren stated. "What do you think, Xavier? Do you think Zach's gay?"

"W-what?"

"I said, do you think Zach Riley's gay?" Darren repeated the question but the name Zach Riley was ringing so exasperatingly on my ears.

"I don't know." I replied swallowing my last piece of burger before eventually walking away.

I'm going nuts right now and it's all because I'm well-trained to be resilient in this kind of situation. I have so many rotten feelings coalescing together all at once. I am pissed that I have to go through this day. I am triggered that I keep on noticing and hearing people talking about Zach and Jordi. I am in agony ever since I watched that video and up until now, I feel like my heart's still on the grinder being ground. I am also quaintly in a state of confusion.