The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 57

JORDI ADKINS

I couldn't bring myself to sleep the night that I came home from the hospital. I'm still shaking on the inside even after everything has gone down to a calm. Though he was already stable and was rescued from the brink of death, Xavier was still unconscious when my mom showed up to pick me up. As much as I want to stay the night and watch for the poor guy, his dad was there for him and I thought I wouldn't be that person.

In this universe, I guess there's always this wide empty room for this certain thing called forgiveness. Only a few people are using that room, I guess. I was just reeling in about this certain thought in my head about Xavier forgiving his father. This is probably a chance given by the universe. I'm not saying I'm trying to invalidate Xavier's feelings about his old man. Of course his pain and anger are very much valid no matter what sort of perspective you are trying to view it from, however, the clear question is up until when? Until when is he going to harbor that pain and anger inside of him? I'm sure it had already created a home inside of him and I'm afraid that it might plant a deeper root and it would do nothing but corrupt him in the process.

Xavier's such an angel who just happened to be in the wrong side of the trench most of the time. I could see it behind his hazel eyes that there's a soul inside and that soul was hurt very much so that it ended up trying to create a wall to protect itself from any more harm.

I managed to forgive Xavier Rockwell for making my life a living hell. Maybe, just maybe, there's a sliver of chance that he would forgive his father. I know it's not my place to be aggressive about it but he's clearly not going anywhere in life if he keeps on holding on to that grudge and agony. It wouldn't do him any good.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" My mom asked when I showed up at the breakfast table wearing such a languished face. I probably looked like a zombie because I only had at least two hours of sleep.

"No, but I'm going to be fine." I replied truthfully.

"I'm pretty sure your friend will be fine. He's got the professional help that he needed. Also, his father's looking out for him. Quinton's filthy rich and I'm certain that he would do anything and everything to save his son." My mom went on sounding a lot reassuring that at least, I felt supported by her. She asked me about what happened yesterday and I told her what happened except that I left out the gayness part super vague for her. I know I'm not yet ready to come out to my mom quite yet and that's not because I'm afraid she's going to disown me. I know she won't disown me, she's always been the cool and supportive mom that I've come to know and love but I just don't how would I open up to her.

"Yeah..." I paused staring at my own plate of food. "Do you think Mr. Rockwell still love Xavier?" I asked purely curious about it. I saw how Mr. Rockwell acted when he saw his son bleeding and unconscious and while I did see love within him, I still need to hear my mom's very own opinion about.

"A parent's love is one of the most beautiful things in the world. It takes a lot of form, sweetie. I might not be able to name it all but I'm going to give a few. Sometimes a parent's love is buying you food and clothes, putting a roof over your head, keeping you healthy, keeping you warm. Sometimes that love is scolding you harshly or barring you strictly from things that wouldn't do anything good for you. Sometimes it's like a soothing breeze, you don't see it but you know it's there. I'm pretty sure Quinton had a lot of reasons for what he did and yeah, I guess I would've harbored grudge and such for him if I was in your friends' shoes. What he did was painful and traumatic." My mom paused and took a long sip of her jasmine tea.

"I just feel torn. I do understand Xavier's pain and anger but when I saw Mr. Rockwell yesterday, I felt like he never stopped loving Xavier. I just don't know if I'm seeing it right or not." I went on.