Life under the gun

Not Like That

Next day
ARIYAH POV:

I was sitting on a couch in my therapist room just sitting quietly.

"So today are you going to actually talk about something or feed me bullshit" he said and I laughed a little.

I told him be blunt with me I don't care for the professional bullshit. So it made me more easy for me to talk to him.

"Nah today I'll actually talk" I said to him.

"You said that last time" he said with a little chuckle.

"I'm for real I've been thinking on some shit" I said to him.

"I really put myself in some fucked up positions I be knowing what the outcome will be if I do, and I still be doing it" I paused and took a deep breath.

"It's like I want to fuck myself over" I said to him.

"I never understood why and I still don't I'm my worst enemy" I added.

He looked at me.

"Well Ariyah we have a conscience that tells us the outcome and not to do it, your conscience is quiet or you ignore it every time" he said to me.

"Nah my conscience be wanting me to do some fucked up shit" I said shaking my head.

I laid back on the couch getting comfortable.

"Can you tell me what does it say" he said.

"So you can put my ass in a psych ward I think not" I said to him.

"Ariyah this is all confidential you can trust me" he said.

I looked at him and can tell he wasn't lying.

"You got any cameras in here" I said to him.

"Yea just one" he said which was true.

I walked over the camera and turned it off.

I walked to the door and locked it.

I grabbed his phone off his lap and shut it down and put it in his desk.

"Is this really serious" he said looking at me.

Way more serious than you think.

I sat back down on the chair.

He leaned forward with a smile.

"Ok now you finally opening up" he said.

I told him what I think about and how I think.

I didn't tell him about my past or my present. I didn't say nothing about killing or drugs or gangs. Just about me and my mind.

"That's pretty much it" I said to him and he looked at me with fear but also something else I seen it before but I never understood it and it was a very rare look to me.

It was a look Sam gave to me a few hours ago. I didn't question it but now it feels like I should.

"And this is what you think about on a daily basis" he asked.