Soulmates

Chapter 65

MASSIVE FUCKING TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER

WE GET INTO RAPE, WHAT HAPPENED AFTER RAPE, PHYSICAL ABUSE, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, AND FORGETFULNESS DUE TO TRAUMA

guys this is the whole alex thing and it's heavy

you do not have to keep reading if you are triggered by any of these and i will love you either way

stay safe, besties

It was only a matter of time, Alex realized, before Magnus would open his locker and see the letter.

    Then she knew when Magnus saw it. She'd gotten to class before him and sat toward the back of the room. The bellwork for ASL had been giving examples of the Five Parameters. Difficult enough to take her mind off Magnus. Simple enough to be leisurely. It was mindless busywork, and yet that was all that kept her from running to the bathroom and retching whatever churned in her stomach before going home. Maybe once she got there, she'd actually go through with it.

    No. No. No, she wouldn't. She called out for help; that's a sign she still wanted to fight. She still wanted to fight. Keep fighting. Keep fighting. Keep fighting.

    Her hand instinctively went to her cheek, the same place bruises used to lay from the hand of... Well, she wasn't sure. Was it her father? Adrian? There was no use in trying to figure it out.

    Then comes Magnus. Alex knew he had entered the class without looking, but she did anyway. He was exhausted. The circles under his eyes were dark and deep, his lips dry, dried tears streaking his cheeks. Magnus stared at her, his hands starting to shake.

    Alex looked away; she didn't want to see him like that. She never wanted to see him like that. But, everything is worse when it is Alex who causes the pain.

    People told her all her life that Alex made life hell. Who said that? she wondered. Which one of them said that to me?

    No matter. Whoever did was correct. Alex was a burden. No mark on her wrist could change that. Magnus would move on eventually. Everyone moves on eventually.

    In the end, Alex wouldn't have mattered.

    Stop it. Keep fighting. Keep fighting. Keep fighting.

    Then Magnus sits next to her, his face almost emotionless.

    He didn't care.

    Then she felt him grasp her hand. It was tight, but Alex didn't say anything of it. When she glanced down, Magnus' knuckles were white. He held onto her like she was his lifeline. Stay with me.

    Alex couldn't do much in response. She could only squeeze his hand back. I'm alive.

    But this was an ASL class, and the couple couldn't forever comfort each other in the silence and intimacy of touch. They had to sign, but not to each other.

    The teacher took role, and it was Alex's job to sign Hello! My name is A-L-E-X F-I-E-R-R-O.

    The teacher asked to go through vocab, and it was Alex's job to sign Football. Basketball. Volleyball. Baseball. Softball. Soccer. Bowling. Swimming. Running. Walking. Dancing. Sewing. Knitting. Drawing. Writing. Practice. New York. Texas. California. Gold. Silver.

    The teacher asked you to fingerspell the alphabet. Hadn't she just proved she could fingerspell? Nevermind it. Don't think too much. Don't think too little. Don't spiral. Don't think about it. Think about the musical.