Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ FIFTY - THREE ♡

“If only I could hold ya, you’d keep my head from going under.” - Lewis Capaldi (Bruises) 

“It is devastating to know, I am so easy to let go.” - Jessica Katoff 

••••••

Songs

Bruises - Lewis Capaldi 

••••••

[ Louis's POV ]

FRIDAY

“Hi, Tom.” Kat chirps, climbing into the passenger seat and throwing her stuff in the back. She calls me Tom now and it is absolutely 

H O R R I F Y I N G

I stay completely silent and shift the car into drive. 

“Ok…” She trails off, scrolling through her phone. 

I really can’t handle this anymore 

I should end it 

I can’t

But I can, maybe Harry will forgive me then. 

“Can we get Starbucks?” She asks.

“No,” I say. I feel like I'm her mother. 

“Why.”

“If you want Starbucks, find another ride.” I say dryly, pulling into the school parking lot. She sits there with her mouth dropped open. “Collect your jaw off the ground and get out.” She huffs and unbuckles. Jumping out and storming off.

•••

My stomach is practically on the floor by the time I get to English. Worrying about Harry, will he talk to me? Will he even look at me?  

The stress about facing Harry floods out of my body when his desk is still empty when I get there.

But it fills back up when the final bell rings and he still isn't there, when the class is started and he still isn’t there, when the class is over and nobody has seen him. Harry hasn’t missed a day of school all year. 

Except when we skipped together.

“You are so dead.” He says with a vert not threatening glare.

“Is that so?” I say, unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out of the car. “You’ll have to catch me first.”  

“LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON.” He shouts. frantically getting out of the car. “GET BACK HERE.” 

I smile at the memory while walking through the halls.  

•••

[ Harry's POV ]

I wake up, I immediately wish I didn’t. I was hoping I would just die in my sleep or something. But behold, here I am, alive, laying in my mom's bed. Luckily I was nightmare free all night. By some sort of miracle. See, when I have nightmares I always wish I could wake up. But now I never wanna wake up again.

Funny how these are both nightmares but I want completely different things. 

I roll over and look at my mom’s clock.

9:13

Wait two more minutes 

I lay there for a few secounds until it hits me

9:13. Wait a second-

I’m late, very late.

I jump out of bed and run around the house like a headless chicken. Grabbing anything from my closet I can find, and shoving on a beanie. I fly downstairs and I am about to run out the door when a bright yellow post-it catches my eye. 

I can tell you are upset about something. Feel free to stay home from school and we can talk about it tonight if you want. 

Love you, Harry

- Mom

I sigh in relief and shove the note in my pocket. It’s a very nice gesture, I just wish I would have seen that before I got ready. I wander to the kitchen and shove a piece of toast into the toaster. I mumble to myself and take it out when it dings.

Bite 

1

Bite 

2

Bite

3

•••

When I finish I turn and wash my hands. 

Wash them again 
The water wasn’t hot enough 

I sigh and turn the hot up, washing them again.

Again
It was too hot this time

I turn down the hot.

Again
Again
Again

I wash my hands 3 more times before the voices cut off and I can finally go back upstairs. 

I flop down in bed and just think. Which I have been doing a lot, probably too much. And I always end up hurting my own feelings. 

I hate Louis

But I love him

But he’s mean

But he used to be nice

Death or paradise, perhaps, one can be both. 

•••

[ Louis's POV ]

I walk by the cafeteria, all my “friends” are sitting in our normal spot. But I keep walking, aggressively pushing the front door open and jogging out to my car. Seniors are allowed to leave and go get lunch out if they want. So long as they get back in time for class.

I’m not going to get lunch.

••••••

NEW COVER!

How do you guys like it? It feel like it relates to the book more.

It says "perfectionism" which is a symptom of OCD but the "ism" is crossed out so it's just "perfection"

Here I'd the full picture because the covers cuts it smaller.

The butterfly :)

Love you!

- T xxxx