Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ THIRTY - FOUR ♡

“OCD is not a disease that bothers. It’s a disease that tortures.” - J.J. Keeler.

“Sometimes, the last thing you wanna be is ‘Just friends’. Being limited to looking in their eyes. And seeing the miracle and dream you can’t have.” - Unknown 

••••••

* 5 Days later * 

[ Louis’s POV ] 

FRIDAY

“Halloween is in a week.” I state during lunch. 

“Yep.” Harry says, not looking up from his book. 

“So, what do you wanna be?” 

“I don’t know.” He sounds incredibly uninterested. 

“We can go to the Halloween store and look.” I suggest. 

“We can just look online.” He turns the page. 

“No,” I whine. “Going to the store is half the fun.”

“I don’t think there is a difference.” 

“Come on, we will go after school.” 

“I really don’t wanna go into the store Louis.

“Why?” I ask, not realizing that I’m pushing him too far.

“Because I haven’t gone into a store for years, you friended the screwball remember? Is that what you wanted to hear?” He yells across the table. I sit there, stunned. Because Harry doesn't get mad that often. If he gets mad at you, you know you've  fucked up. The librarian gasps and aggressively shushes us. We apologize and I look back at him. 

“No, that is not what I wanted to hear. I’m not a psychopath, I never wanna hear you say that. And you know it. I just wanted to-” The bell ringing cuts me off and Harry quickly gets up and walks out of the library. Without me. I like Harry, I do. But sometimes his line is just so minuscule I don't know if or when I'm gonna cross it. 

I fear one day I'll go too far. And I won't realize til he’s gone. All that will be left is a Harry sized hole in my heart.

•••

I spend the entire day stressed out about the whole Harry situation. All the way up until the bell rings and I walk out of the building to my car. 

And Harry is standing right next to it. 

I have to give myself a reality check. He doesn’t have any other ride home, he hasn’t  forgiven me. I’m just his only option. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.” We say in unison. 

“No, no, you can’t do this. You always do this. You can’t apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. I know you’ve been told everything is your fault but it’s not. So when it’s someone else's fault don’t apologize.” 

“But it was my fault.’ He says, twisting his feet around. 

“No, it was mine.” 

“No, I shouldn't have yelled at you.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you farther than you clearly wanted to go. You were throwing out stop signs for me. I ignored them all.” I grab his shoulder and his head snaps up. I pull him in and wrap him in a warm hug. He doesn’t let go, Harry never let go of hugs first.