Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ FORTY - THREE ♡

"You don't deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves." - Rania Niam

"I say 'never again', but I have a masochistic heart and a horrible need to love that which doesn't love me back." - Jessica katoff.

"In a other life, I would be your boy. We'd keep all our promises." - Katy Perry (The one that got away.)

••••••

Songs

Silence - Marshmello, Khalid

The one that got away - Katy Perry

••••••

[ Louis’s POV ]

THURSDAY

I flop around for hours until I look over and it’s 5 in the morning. I groan and sit up, deciding I need to make things right, again. 

I sure do fuck things up a lot. I’ve had to ‘Make things right,” with Harry 3,000 times now. 

•••

[ Harry's POV ]

Walking to school is cold, and lonely. My mom had to go to work early, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’ve lost my only friend. So I lied and said Louis would pick me. 

I end up being 20 minutes late to school. I get yelled at by Mr. Russet and take my walk of shame to my desk. Louis is sitting in sweats and a hoodie and he has really bad dark circles. 

Maybe he was up all night with Kat
Telling her how much he loves her 
How many times has he told you that?
Oh that’s right 
Zero 

I look away and get out my computer. I feel off, I just can’t place what. Until I realize that 2 inches of my book is hanging off the edge. I quickly fix it before I throw up everywhere from it not being even. I shrug it off. I mean that normally doesn't set me off. But I'm just stressed.

Little did I know, it gets so much worse from here. I was so naive and clueless.

The class goes by as slow as molasses. I practically sprint out of the classroom. (As fast as you can go after pushing in your chair 3 times). Not giving Louis any time to even talk to me. I don’t wanna talk, I just wanna forget about the whole encounter. But it’s really hard-

When there are 2 handprints right on my chest. 

They are faint and barely noticeable. But if you look really close you can see a light outline of 2 red fingerprints and hand marks. From where he used my chest to push me against the locker. Reminds me of the time my father took my tiny 8-year-old body and pushed me up against a bookcase.

It was the same exact movements and left the exact same marks. Louis’s dark circles remind me of my father's. When he would go out and get drunk all night. Louis’s mood changes remind me of my father's. When my dad would refuse to take the medication the doctor gave him.

Louis reminds me of my father.

He’s not just my father in my dreams, he is in real life. 

I’m scared of Louis. I’m scared of him just turning on me. I’m scared of the things he can do and say without any regret. I’m scared of him hurting me. I’m scared of everything about him. But I'm also so drawn to him. He used to be my safe space. So my big question is-

How can one thing that made you feel safe and calm. Also, be the one thing that you are deathly afraid of and avoid at all costs? 

My answer? People change when they get what - or who- they want. 

•••

"Harry wait!" He calls after me in the hallway. I speed up a little without looking back. But he is too fast, he catches up with ease. Grabbing my arm and spinning me around. 

"Harry please listen to me." He begs, his fingers tightening around my forearm. "I didn't mean to hurt you yesterday." 

"Lemme guess, you still don't take your medication?" I say dryly. 

"You know I can't." 

"I know." I say. "I just don't understand how being out of control of your emotions is making you feel in control. It makes no sense." His fingers dig even deeper into my arm and it makes me squirm. He's squeezing so hard I feel like it's gonna leave a bruise. 

"Do you forgive me?" He demands to know. I pause for a second. But end up nodding and looking at my shoes. He immediately lets go of my arm. I pull it to my chest and rub it. He says bye and walks away.

I just miss how me and Louis used to be. I don’t like the new Louis. He is rough and mean. He’s the type of person I used to tell him about, he would tense up and say we was gonna kill them if they ever touched me again.

He’s the one person he said he would never become. 

••••••
This hurts. Alot.

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Love you

- T xxxx