Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ FIFTY ♡

"I think we were meant to be... we just did it wrong." - Unknown 

"I hate getting flashbacks about things I dont wanna remember...anymore." -Unknown

••••••

Songs

If I could fly - One direction 

Moral of the story - Ashe ft Niall Horan 

••••••

[ Harry's POV ]

I stand there in shock for 5 minutes, until I stumble around and slide down the wall. Tears are everywhere. I’m afraid if there are any more I’m might float away 

And now I don’t have Louis, my lifeboat. 

But I was never his lifeboat. I was the anchor this whole time. He said it himself. 

I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my head on them.  And I cry, actually violently sob is a better word. I cry until I physically can’t anymore. Until I'm hiccuping and gasping for air. Frantically searching for my inhaler. Tearing up drawers and my closet. As I'm ruffling through my closet I come across something that sends me into even more of a frenzy.

Louis jersey, shirt, and sweatpants. 

“I think I have a spare Jersey here somewhere. If you wanna wear it” He says, ruffling through his duffel bag and pulling out a turquoise jersey. His last name and number is printed on the back.“Here.” He sets it in my lap, I smile and pull it over my head.  

“I probably have some clothes that will fit you.” He says, looking through his drawers. As I awkwardly stand dripping wet in his room. “Here try this shirt and these sweatpants.”

I slowly take them out of the closet and hold them all to my chest. Suddenly my inhaler doesn’t seem like a big deal. I bury my face in them and take a deep breath.

They still smell like him. They still smell like vanilla and campfires. Like baby powder and cinnamon. Imagine the smell of Christmas. That’s what he smells like. What makes me cry even more is that I’ll never experience that smell anymore. 

I heard the door open downstairs, the door closes and then there are faint footsteps. 

“Harry?” A voice echoes through the thin walls. I can hear them walk up the stairs and then get closer.

“Sweetie?” I can hear my mom's voice say from outside my door. I sigh, I really thought it was Louis coming back.

“Come in.” I croak. Quickly clearing my throat, wiping my face, and throwing the clothes back in the closet. So I look as normal as possible. 

“I got you some macaroni- oh baby what’s wrong?.” She asks, rushing over and taking my face in her hands. 

“Please don’t touch me.” Is all I can manage to say. She nods and takes her hands off like she suddenly understands everything. I back up and wrap my arms around myself. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I shake my head and back up even more. “Do you wanna watch a movie?” I shake my head again. She purses her lips and backs away. 

“I love you, Harry.” She says, heading towards the door.

“Love you too.”

•••

[ Louis’s POV ] 

Have you ever regretted something?

No I mean REALLY regretted something. The type of regret where the second the words come out of your mouth you wish you could collect them all and swallow them back up. But the damage is already done. You've already hurt everyone you can hurt.

The type where every time you think about what you said it makes you feel sick.

The kind where you know your past self would be so disappointed in you. 

I have never hated myself more than I do right now.

When I storm out of Harry's house and out to my car is when it all comes crashing down. I sob and rest my head on the steering wheel. I don’t even know what to do, we have school tomorrow. I sit by him in English. I can’t call Liam or Niall. They would be too angry, I may not even live to apologize if I told them. How do I even apologize? 

“Hey buddy, Sorry I called you every name in the book, including a slur. Oopsie hope we can still be friends!”

I groan and drag my hands down my face. 

The first step, is leaving his driveway. So his mom doesn’t come home and invite me in for dinner or something. I wipe away the constant flow of tears as I drive home. Relying on the will of God to protect me from getting in a wreck. This probably isn't a good idea, considering God probably isn’t too happy with me right now. 

I’m missing half of me now that Harry and I are apart.

••••••

Let's play a game called spot the one direction lyric.

Love you

- T xxxx