ANIDITA : A Life For Revolution

CHAPTER 12 : THE INCESSANT MANOEUVRES

PART 1

Bondita's p.o.v

They say words hit harder than actions. But I never thought they will also have the power to wipe off every single happiness memories once could create and can even replace them into the into droplets of miseries.

"Bondita... Mein chahta hoon tum iss gadhbandhan se apne apko azad karein... Khushi se apni marzi ki zindagi jiye..."

It kept on ringing inside my head. However, this time, I didn't stop them. I allowed it to torture me, ruin me, kill me internally. But what I do not understand is, why is this paining so much? Didn't I prepare myself for all this four years before? I didn't let my expectations grow, I just had hope – a very little ray of hope. But I'm glad I'm not crying. I shouldn't cry. Why should I cry?

Okay, fine! It hurts! It really hurts! It hurts to know I was nothing more than a zimmedaari for him! It hurts to know whatever he did for me carried nothing more than his good intentions! It hurts to know every droplet that left his eye carried nothing more than his sympathy for me! It hurts to know that I will never get a life I dreamt of with him! It hurts... It really really hurts... It's as though my whole existance is in question. Because he was my zameen - the sole thing that gave me confidence to fly, the person that assured me that he will be there to hold me if at all I fall. And now... now he want to snatch the ground under me! He's challenging me to fly without his safety! But you know what? I can do that! But I don't want to! If I do, I fear I might turn into something not less than a machine! A human machine! 

"Yeh mera Pati, aur mein inki Patni Bondita"

"Vada kijiye... Hamesha sath rahenge ap mere"

"Haan Bondita... Hamesha sath dunga tumhara"

"Toh ab Bondita meri Patni hai! Uski zindagi mein jo kuch bhi hoga, uska faisla sirf mera hoga... sirf aur sirf Anirudh Roy Chowdhary ka!"

"Mein yahan aaya hoon apni patni Bondita ko lene aur mein use yahan se lekar hi jaunga!"

"Lekin shaadi toh huyi hai. Aur shaadi koyi mazak nahi hai... Tum maano ya na maano tum Anirudh ki patni ho aur woh tumhara pati bhi"

"As I said, I'm a dream... Barrister Bondita Roy Chowdhary... Um... I mean, Barrister Bondita Anirudh Roy Chowdhary is the dream of her mentor... her teacher... well-wisher... her husband... Anirudh Roy Chowdhary"

"He made it happen... My Pati babu"

"Ahem!"

His intentional throat glitch interrupted my train of thoughts. I straightened my shoulders and braced myself for the conversation. He sat down beside me on the swing and remained mute for a long time. When the silence completely unnerved me out, I exploded.

"Kya hai Tappu?!"

"Mujhe laga meri dosth ko meri zaroorat hai"

"Nahi hai zaroorat! Chali jao yahan se! Kyun aaye ho yahan?"

"Gaya toh meine kamre mein tha pehle..." he smirked.

I gave him a pointed look. He saw the ruined room then. I didn't cry but I did take out my frustration on my belongings.

"Manna padega... Tum na, bilkul Senior par gaye hai" he quipped.

But I'm not in a mood to laugh.