ANIDITA : A Life For Revolution

CHAPTER 11: Part 3

Batuk's p.o.v

I know what I did was wrong. And that's exactly why I faked a yawn and went towards my room as soon as Tapas dada dismissed everyone. Rudhira shouldn't be here until night, she always avoids a situation wherein we'll have to be together somewhere. It's just a night after our marriage but something inside me tells she wouldn't dare to. Strange!

Anyway, I'm here to prepare myself for what I'm about to do after sometime. I hope it turns out to be how I want it to end. I know I'm wrong but not completely. There was a limit for even my self control. Dada completely crossed the line by saying I never loved her – I faked my love with Shubha. I was choosing someone else over her – my whole soul was screaming at me not to – but still I did. For my Dada and Boudi. And he said... When I saw myself staring back at me from the mirror, my brain reiterated the painstaking dialogues one by one.

"Kehna kya chahte ho ap?" her eyes were wide in disbelief.

"Shubha mein..." I trailed off, not knowing to control my own emotions.

"Ap mujhe... mujhe dhoka dene wale ho? Uss se... Uss se shaadi..."

Tears rolled down her eyes, making my heartbeats freeze to a halt.

"Mein nahi janta tumhe keise samjhaun... Mein khud ko hi samjha nahi pa raha hoon. Lekin yakeen mano Shubha... Mera tumhare liye pyaar sach tha"

"Tha?" she questioned, her voice meek and sarcastic.

I sighed, my eyes welling up. I couldn't bring about myself to look in her eyes. The pang of guilt consuming me was nothing less than torture. A chuckle was all I heard before I hear her continue.

"Mana ki sirf teen saal ka parichay hai humara. Lekin itna toh janti hoon ki apke liye apne parivar se zyaada kuch nahi hota, ap khud bhi nahi... Phir mein kya?"

I looked up to meet her impassive gaze. What does that statement mean? I continued staring at her intensely, making her explain herself.

"Kar lo shaadi... Ap kabhi galat nahi ho sakte. Khaas karke apni zindagi ka itna bada faisla lete ap galti nagi karoge... Kitna acha dil hai apka... Mein janti hoon, ap mujhse bohot pyaar karte hai"

My eyes widened when she said that. She smiled weakly and continued.

"Haan Batuk babu... Tha nahi... Hai... Phir bhi ap apne Dada aur Boudi keliye itna bada tyag kar raha hai... Bas mujhe Rudhira keliye bohot bura lag rahi hai... Uski saari khwahishein, saare sapne iske sath khatm hogi... Aur ap donon ko iss rishte se dam khootkar jeena hoga..."

"Tum kitni achi ho Shubha? Thank you... And sorry" I said, tears falling off my eyes.

"Arre! Ap mujhse maafi kyun mang rahe hai?" she wiped a tear and smiled "Agar ap chahte the toh mujhe bina bataye yeh sab kar sakte the... Lekin apne aisa nahi kiya. Aur apke iss hunar ke wajah se hi mein ap par fida ho gayi thi" she laughed forcefully "Khair! Chodiye yeh sab baatein... Ap chinta mat kijiye, Baba se mein baat karungi"

"Nahi! Mujhe milna hai unse" I announced, straightening my shoulders.

She nodded and an awkward silence followed after that.

"Ham... milenge na?" I asked expectantly.

She chuckled.

"Na mile toh hi acha hai na?"