Meri Rooh♡

51. Keep The Secret

RUHANI'S POV

[A Few minutes back]

I have never felt this helpless ever, in my entire life. My world's world was crashing right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything to lessen his pain. My chest felt too heavy, as he shouted out all the buried pain. He has endured too much for how pure and kind he is. Why did his innocent soul had to go through this at such a young age....

As the tears were rolling down his cheeks slowly, I felt my heart breaking into pieces the same way. If he had to undergo such miseries in this cruel world. I wish for the whole world to end first before this pain reaches him again. I stood there, gazing over his shattered self as he broke down into sobs; while all I could do was stare...

I cursed myself for not being able to do something...something to just put an end to his suffering. If only I could hide him in my embrace forever. How could a father leave his own child alone at such a young age, how heartless did that man had to be to never contact his son again for all these years. How selfish did he had to be to not even attend his wife's funeral? To not even check up on his son to see how he was doing after loosing his mother?

But as Maa explained about the worsening health of Jay's father, I could see Jay getting tensed up. No matter how much he tried, he and I both knew that he is too kind and loving to hate his own father despite his deeds; even if Jay won't admit that out loud and I could completely understand his perspective.

Whatever the parent does, it gets almost impossible for a child to hate them completely for they always try to excuse their parent's mistakes in some way or the other. For the child, It's easier to assume that their parent did them wrong unknowingly rather than accepting the fact that maybe their parent just didn't care enough to give a single daam about them.

But one thing, which didn't settle well with my mind was that; Jay never once mentioned or criticised his father for the gravest mistake he did; cheating on his wife aka Jay's mother. Confusion spreaded in my mind; was Jay unknown to this fact or did my father just made up that lie? Maa was also supporting that man in a way, so could it be that Papa did really lied to me? I shook my head, trying to shake off those thoughts.

My heartbeat fastened when Jay agreed to go to korea for his father. Somehow I knew that, that's something he should do but just imagining what he will have to go through to face that man was enough to give me goosebumps all over my body. And once again I was back to feeling helpless..powerless...impotent.

'Forvive me Jay, for not being able to drag you out of this hell.'  was the only thing I repeated in my mind again and again. After a short silence, Jay finally looked up at me; signalling me to come outside after a few minutes. I nodded softly understanding his gesture easily.

As soon as he walked out of the room, I turned to maa who was crying silently while covering her mouth with her dupatta (scarf). My eyes softened, yes it did upset me a little when she supported Jay's father over Jay but I knew for a fact she only ever prayed for his well being. I placed my hand on her shoulder before speaking softly.

"Apki galti nahi thi Maa.."

She clenched her eyes shut as more tears rolled down her cheeks, looking at me with her tear filled eyes she spoke in a chocked voice.

"Beta..tu Jay ke pass jaa, usko teri jarurat hogi."

I smiled sadly and nodded before getting up to leave but as I was about to open the door; that question once again came back to my mind. I looked at her before speaking hesitantly.

"Maa ek baat puchu?" 

She nodded in response and gestured me to go on, so I continued in my hesitant tone.