I Want What I Can't Have

It's Not Home

"Katniss!" I murmured, putting my ear beside her nose, "Katniss?"

I could hear her breathing. It was slow and laboured but there. She had a pulse too.

"Let's get outta here," Haymitch whispered, throwing a can-like thing in the distance.

Suddenly smoke emerged from it creating a diversion. I watched Boggs lift Katniss into his arms, sprinting in another direction. I saw Gale hurriedly chase after them not taking his eyes from Katniss, maybe he loved her after all. Haymitch suddenly pulled me out of the way of a bullet that would've taken my life.

"Woah there, careful," he smiled, "your boyfriend said he'd kill me if I didn't get you back home."

I looked into his eyes sorrowfully, "13 is no home. My home was destroyed by the very same man who destroyed my life, my family and everything that I own."

He looked back at me with the same broken look, "I lost my home too. And my family. And love. But we will find something someday. I promise you that."

He looked back at the smoke that was starting to die down now and grabbed my hand dragging me with him as he ran towards the hovercraft, our escape. In the nick of time we managed to jump in. I sunk to the ground and hugged my knees into my chest, squeezing my eyes shut. I wanted to go back to the little house we had in 8. I wanted to go back to where I used to practice knife throwing with my friends. I wanted to smell my mum, feel my brother's arms around me, hear my sister's nightingale voice and see my dad's face again. I felt an arm around me and looked up seeing Haymitch.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Cinna knew she'd be shot at," he said, "he bulletproofed the outfit."

"How bad are the injuries then?" I replied.

"They've detected a bruised rib and a bruised lung so far," he shrugged.

"Good it isn't anything worse," I sighed.

"Flaire can I ask you something?" He said slowly.

"Yeah, sure," I smiled wearily.

"Did you stand there to get hit by the bullet?" He began, "did you wish I'd never pulled you out of the way."

"What? No! Why would you think that?" I said, shocked he'd even thought to ask, "the love of my life is waiting for me back in 13 and you thought I was suicidal?"

"I'm worried about you," he shrugged, "I don't know what the Capitol did."

"Haymitch you have the Mockingjay to worry about," I murmured, "forget about me."

"Problem with that is you're an unforgettable woman to meet," he smiled.

***
The hovercraft landed on the floor and as soon as the doors open I sprinted off. I swung the doors to 13 open and screamed Finnick's name. As soon as I saw him I sprinted towards him letting my body fall into his. He can't me as we both tumbled to the floor in a mixture of tears and blood.

"Sweetheart I was so worried," he murmured.

"I was so scared," I sobbed.

I looked into the sea-green eyes and we immediately went in for a kiss. It was deep and passionate and any onlookers probably were disgusted but we didn't care anymore. He was mine and I was his. That's all that mattered. As we pulled away I glanced down at his hands that he attempted to hide from me. I grabbed them and looked at them in shock. Most of the skin had been ripped off and some wounds were bleeding. Rope burn. I brought his hand to my tear stained cheek and nuzzled it lovingly.

"Don't hurt yourself for me," I whispered, "don't you dare do that Finn. Don't you dare."

"I'm just glad you're home again," he said.

"This isn't home," I said, causing myself to start crying all over again.

"What do you mean honey," he whispered in my ear, holding me close.

"I want to go back to my home in 8," I sobbed, "I want my mum and dad back and my brother and my sister. But he killed them all."

"Oh sweetheart," Finnick soothed, running his fingers through my matted hair.

***
I slowly walked into the hospital hearing voices.

"You should've been the mockingjay. Nobody else would tell you what to say." I recognised as Katniss's voice.

"But nobody likes me," I heard Johanna say.

"I like you," I said, walking in.

"Congrats you're the only one," she replied.

"They're all afraid of you," Katniss said to her.

"Maybe here," Johanna scoffed, "but in the Capitol, you're the only thing that they'd scared of."

She was playing around with the things on Katniss's table when Katniss said, "they're things my family brought."

Johanna suddenly changed and she became a lot more gentle with the things she was picking up. I know she was hurt badly by Snow. Loosing her family was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. She suddenly lifted up Peeta's pearl tentatively.

"It's from Peeta," she murmured.

"Yeah," Katniss muttered in reply.

Johanna chuckled lightly looking up and me and then back down at the mockingjay, "they messed us up pretty good didn't they?"

"How are you doing Katniss?" I asked.

"I'm fine," she said, "I wasn't really hurt."

"Jo give her back her morphine," I said rolling my eyes.

"I need it!" She groaned.

"Christ Jo, can't you see how much pain she's in right now," I replied, yanking the needle out of my friend and sticking it back in Katniss.

"You sleep," I said to her, "and get better soon."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"I think he forgets sometimes," I murmured.

"Who forgets what?" She asked.

"Snow," I replied, "I think Snow forgets who he has created. We may have played by his rules in the arena, but here we are free. He raised us to become cold-hearted killers. After all that's why we're here. Well maybe not in your case, you're not cold-hearted. But it doesn't matter. Snow forgets what we have become and united, we can overthrow him."

"I am cold-hearted," she said.

"No cold-hearted people wouldn't stand up against all of this. They're ignorant and only care for themselves," Johanna said.

"And you are anything but that," I smiled, "we'll leave you alone now, sleep well."

I dragged Johanna over to her bed and we sat together on it for a whole not saying a word to one another. I was the first to break the silence.

"When are you being discharged?" I asked.

"Tomorrow," she shrugged, "I need to get my training in."

"Take it easy though," I replied.

"How was the mission?" She asked.

"I don't know," I sighed, rubbing my head.

"How helpful are you?" She laughed.

"Oh Jo!" I said, "I'm so ready to win this war."

***
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