I Want What I Can't Have

Didn't Expect That

It was gross and I didn't want it to be real. Again I had let the love of my life slip away from me. But then again how was I meant to prevent it. I wasn't exactly going to be like 'hey Finnick, I've loved you from the moment I knew you and when you keep getting with girls you barely know it really pisses me off, can you love me back now'. I knew I wasn't going to be able to prevent or influence their relationship, so I did the best thing I could: stay out of it. Besides, if Snow found out, I was safe. It was a horrible way to think and even I couldn't believe my own mind, but I couldn't help it. I supposed I was bitter because they were together. I didn't know how else to feel. So when the 74th annual Hunger Games commenced, I was really trying not to get too passive aggressive or show any sense of jealousy, and yes, it's a lot harder than it looks.

***
The cycle is a foot once again. Well done Snow you got your way. I got up and went to the reaping. I watched as two more innocent kids got chosen to fight. I boarded the train, said hello to Clo and Amaryllis and retreated to my room. I came out for dinner, talked when I was spoken to and went to sleep. I woke up went into the Capitol. Went up the eight floor and cried. This had been my life for six years now and needless to say I was getting tired of it. The party was my final way of being myself for an hour or two and even that was ruined by Finnick and Johanna's 'thing'.

"Well someone looks pissed off," came a familiar drunken tone.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked.

"Princess, you look like you want to kill someone," Haymitch laughed.

"I want to kill Snow," I murmured, taking his whiskey glass and having a few sips.

"Trying to get drunk?" He asked.

I shrugged, "I hate this."

"Me too and I've been here for twenty four years," he slurred.

"Shit can you imagine what I'm going to look like in that time," I laughed, spilling the drink down my dress.

Haymitch smiled, "hopefully you won't."

I was confused but shrugged it off. I was tipsy....well maybe not tipsy....maybe a bit more than tipsy, and he was drunk, who could understand us?

"What about your tributes?" I asked, "same as usual?"

"No, the girl, she has fire in her. She's a fighter and I'm going to make her win," he said, "I just need to sell the story to the Capitol. She's not a package deal because she hates the Capitol and is a shit actress."

"Wow, that's the most positive thing I've ever heard you say," I giggled, slightly dizzy now.

"What can I say?" Haymitch shrugged, "you're friends are looking at you."

I turned around, glancing at Johanna and Finnick. Both their faces had solemn and stern expressions. I walked over, giving them each a hug.

"You're been drinking," Finnick said.

"So? It's a party?" I said.

"Leave her be," Johanna tutted.

"Why should I?" He fired back.

"Woah, tension," I said giving a drunken laugh, "I'm not going to be in the middle of this."

"You need to go to bed before you drink anymore," Finnick said softly.

"Yeah sort her out first," Johanna scoffed.

"You started this," he said, "and I haven't seen her in a year."

"And who's fault is that?" She snapped back.

"Come on Jo," he pleaded, "she's not going to be well if she keeps going. Help me get her up to her room."