I Want What I Can't Have

Close... Too Close

All my thing turned up days later but it gave me no more feelings. I was a mess if I was perfectly honest. My insides were bare and had been stripped of the happy days that living with Johanna and Finnick. I was now more hesitant than ever to call them, which I wish I hadn't been. Because, as it were, Johanna and Finnick stayed in good touch. They called each other regularly and I was stupid enough to not call either of them. Years later I'd be kicking myself wondering why I just didn't pounce on whatever I could. They eventually grew closer....and closer....and closer. In my opinion it was a little bit too close because when the 72nd annual hunger games approached I began to notice things.

72nd
As usual, I met Clo and Amaryllis on the train as well as my tributes. I'm still standing by the 'don't get too attached' tactic. Believe me when I say it works. I hopped of the train making my way to the building swiftly excitement and nerves overcoming my every sense. I walked in noticing Finnick and Johanna together in the corner, their tributes a metre or two behind with their stylists, not making any contact. I didn't bother to interrupt their conversation so made my way to the 8th floor as usual.

Like every year, the party was held. I went in, had a chat with a drunk Haymitch (it gets more and more amusing as the years go by) and try to find my friends. Again, I see the two of them in the corner. Finnick in his classy suit and Johanna in a strapless, short dress, long hair flowing just past her bum. From living with her we knew how she hated her hair when it was long and that she couldn't stand it down. Finnick would always tell her it looked pretty down. Strapless wasn't exactly her thing either, but I shrugged it off. This time I decided to interrupt whatever they were talking about.

"Jo! Finn!" I exclaimed as I walked towards them.

They stopped talking and looked at me, smiles plastering their faces. Johanna hugged me tightly.

"I've missed you," she said.

"I've missed you!" I smiled, "how are you?"

"As good as I can be," she said, "I'm mentoring now, so..."

"Yeah," I breathed.

"Hello," Finnick smirked, bringing me into a quick hug.

"Hello," I mirrored, "you been alright?"

"Not too bad," he said.

"Any potential victors out of your lot?" I asked.

Finnick shook his head, "twelve year old boy, first year, and fourteen year old girl, who's been ill her whole life."

"How can they let her go in?" I asked in horror.

Finnick shrugged, "Snow does what he likes."

"Neither of mine are any good. The boy has no control with an axe and the girl only worked in out lumber production line, she knows nothing," Johanna said, "what about you?"

"I don't reckon they're any good really," I said, "I tried not to get to know them too well though."

"It's better that way," Finnick said darkly, "so when they die it doesn't hurt as much."

He glanced at Johanna and she glanced back at him. Close... too close.
My tributes died in the bloodbath, as I expected. So did both of Johanna's and Finnick's female tribute. Not that the male lasted much longer. I wouldn't call dying on the first night successful. I didn't know my tributes so I didn't mourn. As horrible as it sounds, their deaths were practically irrelevant to me. What ate at me more was Johanna and Finnick. I had a horrible feeling something was going on between them. How could he move on only two years after Annie? I mean he's only known her a year as well! I mean, hello? I've been here for what... 5! I decided to ignore any feelings I got from either of them and retreat back to another year of loneliness.