Insecurities

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A/N: what did you guys think of the new update for heartstopper!? I loved it so much I need more thank you, Alice!
TW: mention of Ed, anxiety

Charlie's pov:
"No," I tossed down a pair of jeans that didn't fit me, feeling frustrated. I had tried on everything in my closet at this point and nothing fit. Yes, I know that gaining weight means that recovery is going well for my eating disorder but trying clothes on and them not fitting makes me want to cry. It makes me feel fat. Maybe I should cancel this date with Nick if I can't even pick out an outfit to wear...no. I'm not going to let my anxiety take over and ruin my plans.

Nicky❤️: on my way!

Shit, shit, shit, shit. I'm not ready.
Tears whelmed in my eyes as I pulled on the black jeans I always wear and a flannel. I rubbed my face and walked to the bathroom to wash my face. I wanted to look nice for my boyfriend, Nick's just going to get bored of me for wearing the same outfit on every date.

God, why am I so complicated? Why can't my brain shut up?

"Charlie! Nick's here!" Tori called upstairs as the doorbell rang. I brushed through my hair before rushing downstairs so fast I almost stumbled in the process.

Tori raised an eyebrow at me, she can always tell when something is off. I opened the door.

"Hi." Nick greeted me with a hum and a handsome smile. I couldn't help but blush, how did I get so lucky? He was wearing a black shirt and dress pants looking sharp, and I looked like a potato in comparison.

"Hi," I followed him out the door after saying a quick bye to Tori. I chuckled as Nick opened the car passenger door for me when we got to his car. "Nick, I have arms." I teased as I got in.

"I want to be the gentleman my boyfriend deserves." Nick giggled and got in the driver's seat. Once we were both settled in the car, he looked at me. Oh god, he knows that something is up. Am I that obvious?

"Char, what's wrong?" Once Nick asked me that, I broke down crying. That phrase is my weakness, I can't hide my feelings from him. Nick pulled me into a hug and held me close.

"I couldn't find anything that fits other than what I'm wearing now and I feel like I can't look good for you." I hid my face in his shoulder in embarrassment.

"Charlie." Nick gently made me look at him, "I don't care what you wear to our dates. You could show up in sweatpants for all I care. But you are stunning char, absolutely beautiful. I don't care what you wear or how you dress, just know I love being with you and that's all that matters." He ranted.

I smiled in relief and tackled Nick into another hug. He always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. I don't know what I'd do without Nick, he is the sunshine I need in my dark world.

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