Would it be gay if...?/Jilix

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"Sorry I'll stop now" Felix said as he went back to watching the movie quietly

They both stayed completely silent until Felix's phone which was on Jisung's nightstand started ringing

"Can you hand me my phone?" Felix asked and Jisung nodded as he sat up and reached for it and couldn't help but notice the contact name

"Why do you have a contact named 'mom' and why is it calling you?" Jisung asked as he held Felix's phone in his hand

"It's Chan" Felix said as he quickly tried to grab his phone

"I thought Chan was like your father friend?" Jisung asked

"He is. I put his contact name as mom for a joke though" Felix said as he took his phone from Jisung and quickly declined the call "I'll call him back later"

"He's calling you back again, it's probably important" Jisung said as he took Felix's phone and answered but hung up after a few seconds and looked at Felix

"That wasn't Chan" Jisung said with a pout on his face and his heart felt as if it dropped

Felix didn't know what to say, he felt like crying and throwing up at the same time

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jisung asked sadly "You haven't met up with her right? Please tell me you haven't. Please tell me that she is not the reason why you've been wearing makeup. Please tell me your okay and that you mean it" Jisung said as he hugged Felix

"Please don't hate me, I'm so sorry. I can't" Felix said as he started crying softly into Jisung's shoulder

"I don't hate you. I just really wish that you would stop doing these things to yourself" Jisung said as he hugged Felix and ran his fingers through his hair to somehow get him to stop crying

"I missed her"

"I know you did but she hurts you"

"Why does it matter? I don't care that she hurts me, why do you have to care? I don't want to lose her again. If one of you tells my dad that I've been talking to her and that she hit me again then he's gonna call the police. I don't want her to go to jail"

"You shouldn't be okay with abuse, that's not healthy. She almost killed you...I know you missed her and I really wish that her spending time away from you made her realize that your sexuality shouldn't matter but it didn't and I don't think anything will"

"It's not that bad. She didn't almost kill me. And people are allowed to have their opinions towards things" Felix said and Jisung just sighed

"Yeah people can have their opinions but they shouldn't hurt people for disagreeing with them or for doing something they don't agree with. I wish I could believe you when you say that it's not bad but last time you were laying on a hospital bed telling me that you were fine. I'm scared for you to take your makeup off. I don't want to see bruises on your face again, I thought that I would never have to again"

"Then I won't take my makeup off. You don't have to see the bruises" Felix responded

"That's not going to solve anything. I want to be able to see your freckles and your real smile which I miss a lot. Don't you miss not having to cover up your face every single day, and being able to genuinely happy?"

"Yeah but ...." Felix said but got lost in thought

"Is there anything else that I should know about?" Jisung asked. He didn't mean to change the topic to himself but he needed to know. He lost his trust in Felix, he realized that he should have listened to Chan and Changbin but it was too late now. He already made the mistake of completely trusting Felix

"Paul tried to get me to cheat on you which I would definitely never do by the way but once he figured out what was going on through eavesdropping and forcibly wiping my makeup off. He wanted me to cheat but since I said no so he said that if I don't tell you the truth by Monday that he would" Felix explained, as much as he hated this whole entire situation more then anything else that he has ever had to deal with he had to admit felt good to finally tell Jisung. He felt horrible for everything still but he felt relieved being able to talk about all of it to someone finally

"I am going to have a talk with him on Monday but annywayys... would you not have told me if he didn't blackmail you?"

"I would have, this was becoming too much anyways. I felt nauseously guilty whenever I looked at you" Felix explained and Jisung sighed

"If you would have just told me from the beginning it would have been a lot easier and you wouldn't have had to deal with that"

"But If I told you about the phone call when it happened you wouldn't have let me seen my mom"

"You would have avoided a lot of stress though. You were happy before that phone call, it could have stayed like that" Jisung explained

"I'm really tired, I didn't sleep last night" Felix said and Jisung pulled him closer to himself

"Take a nap, we can talk about it when we wake up. This conversation isn't over yet though" Jisung said but when he looked down Felix was already passed out

' I knew things seemed too perfect a few weeks ago' Jisung thought to himself before he fell asleep a few minutes after Felix

This chapter is a disaster, I'm sorry. This was the most difficult chapter to write so far and Idk why but I promise it will get better tomorrow.