A Beautiful Confusion

Chapter 26. Mad

Iris and I carried on acting as we normally did but the vibe wasn't exactly the same, to everyone else it hadn't changed but we could.
I carried on being friendly because that's what we always were and I wanted to keep being a friend for her sake, plus a part of me was still holding onto hope. In the end that hopeful part of me was just too naive and foolish.

A week passed after my strong rejection and I wasn't feeling any better, I had been spending my days talking to Mikel.

"I know I should be cheering you up, but your know you never stood a chance of getting her." Mikel oh so happily informed me.
"Thank you Captain obvious." I salute.

Mike and I were walking aimlessly through the neighborhood, he was in his usual all black attire that highlighted his yellow skin and I was wearing a black baggy T with sweatpants (an attire I have been wearing all week).

"You really should clean yourself up you look like crap."
"I feel like crap."
"Yeah I know, you first love crushed your heart and is possibly making out with your best friend somewhere."
"Haha very funny."
"It's possible, I mean since the time you spend with Iris decreased the time she spends with Andrew has sky rocketed."
"It's just a coincidence, they just friends."
"Face it mate, you've been replaced for a better model."

Of course what he was saying was utter nonsense but at the time in my depressed state it made a hella lot of sense.

The next day when I was at school I couldn't stop myself from observing them. They looked like they were having a blast, holding hands, laughing, sharing inside jokes and they had some secret code that they made up.

I was getting a little riled up so I decided to tell him that I got rejected hoping that maybe he might spend more time with me out of pity but I just got a pat on the back. To make matters worse he made her a song, A SONG. I had known the guy for a long ass time I didn't get a bloody song and I honestly didn't care much about it, it just made me think, that he must like her because niether me nor his other friends (female friends included) have a mention, let alone a song.

"Why are you even his friend, the guy clearly doesn't care about what you think of the situation." Mikel said
"I don't think he notices." I replied.
"He doesn't notice!? That's even worse, doesn't that mean your feelings are meaningless."
"I don't think it's like that, but yeah he could be a little more considerate and not be so close to my crush."

At the time I was suppressing my jealousy thinking it's best to just keep quiet and ignore it like I always do but in actual fact I was letting it fester and grow into anger.

"Yho dude I spent the whole night on a call with Iris." Andrew informed.
"Really?" I half heartedly responded.
"Yeah we have been doing it a lot lately, she is great company but I don't need to tell you because you always talk with her."
"No, I don't."
"No need to lie to me, she's constantly saying we similar."
"We aren't at all." I stiffened.
"I said the same thing but sh-"
"Look I gotta go man, go chill with Iris like always." I stopped off.

***

I woke up to the sound of shouting.
"Cameron!Cameron! Cameron!"
"Oi oi, too loud." I responded, my head was pounding but I couldn't remember why.
"What happened?" I asked.
"You were standing in the yard and then you just collapsed." It was my sister's voice,she sounded like she was panicking which was something I wasn't used to but that wasn't what I was concerned about at the time, the only thing I was thinking was... I blacked out again.

"I should call daddy."
"No!"
"But you need to go to a hospital or something it's like the 3rd time this week and it's only Tuesday."
"Yeah yeah I'll be fine."
"But-"
"I said I'm fine!" I snapped. "You worried something bad will happen to your big brother?"
"Mhmm." She stormed off without saying another word.

"You should see a doctor." Charlotte suggested.
"They all say the same thing, something about stress or something off the sort."
"You stressing about Iris?"
"A little but I won't let myself be killed because of some chick."
"What happened to 'she's not just some chick... she's Iris'." Charlotte mocked me.

This is my first conversation with her in weeks.

"Well if you don't invite me over what do expect, anyway you seem to prefer Mikel's presence."

It was true, I had been stuck in a gloomy mood because I was blinded by jealousy and "love", I completely neglected all the good that was right in front of me, sadly it took me a while to realize that-I still think I haven't completely appreciated it.

That night I was at one of my lowest points and no I didn't try to kill myself my pride would never allow me to even consider it.
I wasn't necessarily depressed I was just really angry, so I decided to pin my anger onto someone.

Cameron:
Lately you have been getting closer to Iris, closer than I have. You have been holding hands with, hugging her and honestly wouldn't be surprised if you said you've kissed (coz I wouldn't put it passed you). All this time you have been spending with Iris you completely ignored what I think of the situation. My best friend holds hands with my crush. I just can't take it anymore, I know the gents have approached you and told you to hold back a little but you completely ignored their direct advice. Your getting close to Iris and she's probably falling for it, you may not notice it but she probably is. If you haven't noticed what you are doing then it's even worse because then you are completely ignoring my feelings I can't be friends with someone like that so from now on I think it will be best if we parted ways.

I sent that message and honestly regretted it but I refused to take it back.