A Beautiful Confusion

Chapter 28. Light

I resolved myself to apologize to Andrew, he may not want to be my friend anymore but I was willing to prostrate myself and do whatever else was necessary for him to at least listen to my apology.
I went to school and saw him multiple times but I couldn't move, I guess I was too ashamed to even bring myself before him.
"Would he even accept my apology" I thought, but that didn't matter the point was to apologize so he knows that I know it wasn't right. My mind was spinning with multiple ways to apologize but in the end I couldn't think of one that was right, by the time I released that the bell for the end of school rang.

To me it seemed like I wasted the entire day because I was indecisive. If only I wasn't so indecisive.
I had given up on trying to apologize for the day, I could have called him but that seemed a little insensitive so I opted not to. Just as I was ready to go wallow in shame I was interrupted by Mabhena.

"Hey today's chess hurry up we are late."

I had been skipping chess practice for so long I forgot about it, reluctantly I made my way to chess practice and as I reached the window behind the class I saw Andrew inside. I panicked and hide behind a wall, I also forgot that the whole squad is in the chess team. I broke into a cold sweat, I couldn't turn back because I already told my father I'm going to walk home and I couldn't leave because Mabhena would beat me to a pulp if I did. I only had one option (I actually had more) I had to apologize.

After bracing myself I finally built up enough courage to walk inside. I was greeted by the gents, it was the usual chess atmosphere. Andrew wasn't playing against anyone so I walked up to him and asked him if I could talk to him...it was quite at first as I was trying to sort out what I was going to say.

"Firstly I wanted to apologise...I was selfish I wasn't thinking straight well actually I can't make excuses I knew what I was doing, I didn't it out of selfishness I shouldn't have put some girl before our friendship I know it was such a dick move I shouldn't have taken it out on you I'm so sorry."
The words seemed to come out on their own, I wasn't really thinking of what I was saying as I was talking and to me that was when I realized that it was coming from the heart.

The most surprising thing though was how he accepted my apology so quickly I was at a loss for words I almost cried but I didn't want to be that guy. We hugged and everything in the world seemed to make sense again. We were back to laughing and teasing each other like nothing happened. I honestly do not deserve such a friend, I don't deserve to be his best friend. On that day I made a promise to myself, I promised to always take my friends feelings and thoughts to consideration in ever situation, I wanted to be able to e there for them and help them get through whatever situation they may be in because I realized life is pointless if you don't have anyone to go through it with.

"You don't have to be so cheesey about it." Mikel gags.

***

The next day the world seemed at peace everything seemed to have light again, it was while I was enjoying this beauty that Iris approached me, hadn't spoken to her for some time I knew what she wanted to talk about.

"He told me you two got back together."
"You say that as though we are a couple." I joked.
"You two have a special connection, and I know you both realize that. It's also why Andrew toke you back so quickly, he really cares for you. You should be grateful because it was me I probably wouldn't have done it so quickly."
She wasn't pulling her punches.
"I'm truly disappointed in you." She continued.

Those words cut deep inside of me, even though I was trying to get rid of my feelings for I hadn't made any progress at the time so to hear that I disappointed her was a crushing blow to the heart.

"I take it that you read the message." I said.
"Yes I did and I couldn't believe it when I saw it, it was why I was ignoring you I probably should have reacted in a more mature way but I was pissed off but my feelings can't be compared to his, Andrew was devastated I know we were hanging around a lot more but it wasn't to rub it in your face he had nowhere else to go."

I felt like burying myself at that moment.

"I hope you don't make a similar mistake again."

We parted ways shortly after and though I was feeling bad it felt good to get everything out of the way, I was worried that I might have ruined my friendship with Iris but that was a problem for future Cameron, I put on a big smile and joined the jovial members of the squad.