anagapesis | coriolanus snow

21 | emptiness

WE WEREN'T ON SPEAKING TERMS, Coriolanus and I, ever since that argument. I didn't utter a word to him and he didn't too. We live in the same house, eat at the same table, sleep in the same bed, but no one said anything. Thankfully both my parents were out running errands for the funeral or they'll surely suspect something was wrong.

It was the day of Sejanus' funeral. The day that he could finally be away from all the negativity of this world. The day that he'll be lowered to the ground and be one with the thing he loved most, nature.

I was too lost in my thoughts to realize that Coriolanus stood by the door in his suit staring at me while I had my dress barely covering me, it was just resting on my shoulders. I couldn't reach the zipper, I didn't understand why they sewed it at the back but I wasn't going to ask him to help.

"I could," he said as he stepped towards me but my hands pushed him away. I didn't know why. It was reflex. "Let me do it, dove." His breath was now brushing on the nape of my neck, sent shivers to my spine.

I turned around, my hair in it's natural state, set down and slightly wavy, just like how Sejanus liked it. He'd go on for hours saying how he loved how pretty I was just like that, no makeup, no pins in my hair, just like that.

Coriolanus held me by my waist as he rested his forehead on mine. "I'm sorry, dove. I know what I did was wrong and you have every right to be angry with me but please, please I beg you to give me one more chance. I promise you this is the last time." As I mentioned, Coriolanus surely had a thing with words.

"Okay."

And he smiled, but it was not like the other smiles he usually plasters on that annoyingly handsome face of his, this was different, this smile was genuine. "Thank you." Our noses were touching now. He was so close, too close. No, I can't do this. Yes, I forgave him but I wasn't ready to let him get to me yet.

"We should get going." The hands that were resting on his chest gently pushed him away.

"Vivienne darling, it's your turn." My head perked up at Ma's weak voice, shoved the piece of parchment in my pocket. I had written a script. But why would I ever need it? All I had to say was about Sejanus, how could I ever think of following a piece of paper rather than speaking my heart?

I stood there, in front of the open casket, watching as Sejanus' figure laid peacefully in it. He's safe now, away from the Capitol, away from harm. My fingers brushed against the wood that was holding his body, knowing that I failed him, I failed Sejanus as a sister.

I then went to the microphone, tapping it slightly to make sure it was turned on. My eyes wandered around the room, seeing that all the eyes were on me. There were familiar faces, some were crying but most of them were numb, I could see it in their faces. But was it numbness or did they not care?

"Sejanus was," my eyes shifted towards his body. "He was my everything. I never thought that anyone would leave an effect like this but he did.

Death was never a stranger to me, we knew each other quite well. We are all going to die, some day. But his death, his death was painful, not only it left a permanent scar for me but I'm sure it was painful for him too.

God, we wasted so many days." I chuckled softly as tears dropped onto my cheek. "I wish you would give me the signs, Sejanus. I could've stopped it.  I miss you so much." Coriolanus came up to my side before anything became worse.

We were outside and he pulled me in for a hug. "I still have things to say, Coryo! Let me in! I haven't said what I wanted!" I was hitting and kicking everything I could but Coriolanus held me hostage.

"That's enough, dove. You said enough. I'm sure he'll be proud of you, Vivy. I'm sure he will."

His grip on mine lessened and I slid down the wall. I thought with all the crying it finally made me numb to the passing. But I guess I was wrong.

"It's going to be okay, my dove. You're going to be okay. He's going to be okay." Coriolanus was towering above me. I supposed he didn't want to mess his suit by sitting down on the pavement. "Sejanus is so happy with you. He didn't stop talking about you while we were in the Districts. He keeps saying 'I can't wait to see her' and 'I wonder what she's doing now, is Vivy okay?' again and again, every night. Oh, and he met this girl, I didn't remember her name but he said he was so excited to introduce her to you– basically, your name never fails to leave his mouth. He's really happy for you, my dove."

Tears streamed even more at his story, but this time was accompanied with a soft smile. My eyes wandered around the surroundings, a sight of a bird with a dark coat resting on a bench nearby caught my eye. It was similar to the one in my dreams. Mockingjays It was alone and staring at me as if it recognized me. I didn't know why but it reminded me of Sejanus, like he was reincarnated into a mockingjay. I knew it couldn't speak, but if it did, I can see it pleading for justice with its eyes.

So I vowed to myself was, I was going to find them, the person that caused his death and I am going to make them pay.