The Tear of Celeste

Chapter 51: Blue Love

You have not been able to talk to Loki since he came back from Asgard, and Thor told you that you need to give him some space. "He will come to you when he is ready," he said seriously, putting his hands on your shoulders, "I can not tell you what happened, but you must trust him."

You gave him a nod, but you are still sad. Loki is obviously in pain from something, and all you really want to do is hug him until the pain goes away, but you also know that Loki sometimes does need his space, so you let him be, waiting for him to come to you.

༺☆༻

Loki was looking at himself in the mirror, Odin's words ringing in his ears.

"Has she seen the real you?"

His teeth grinding against each other as he in one motion knocked everything that was in front of the mirror away, swiping it down on the floor in frustration.

He knew you were not one to judge, you would not judge him no matter what he looked like! Whether he was male, female, or something else, you would not judge him, you would not-

"Can she truly love a monster? Do you really think she will stay with you?"

But this was not like his female form, this was something else.

Yes, you had not judged his female side, but he himself did not judge that. No matter what others said Loki did like his female form, he enjoyed being a lady from time to time, and even when others judged he usually did not care.

But this... This was a form that was something he himself hated, something he looked at with disgust, how could anyone see anything else than a monster?

He screamed in rage as things went flying around him. Was it so wrong for him to find happiness? Did the Allfather have to remind him of how unlovable he was every time he stood in front of him?

No, you were not a person to judge, but who could ever accept a monster like him...

Well, there was no point in hiding it from you. The truth was gonna come out eventually.

Might as well get it over with.

༺☆༻

You hear Loki calling your name and look up right away, jumping from your seat. "Yes?" Was he finally ready to tell you what was wrong? He motioned for you to follow him and so you quickly did, running to him and following along.

"I need to show you something," he said seriously. You could hear some kind of anger in his voice, but most of all he seemed anxious. "Yes?" You say, hesitating a little as he walks into his room, but follows along.

You look around the lounge area of Loki's small apartment room. And even though it was your first time in here you could tell it normally does not look like this. Things have been thrown around and dumped on the ground. You look at Loki shocked, and see him pacing back and forth in front of you, reminding you of a wild panther stuck in a cage.

"Loki?" You asked worried, taking a step toward him. But he steps away from you, holding up a hand to stop you from getting closer. "I need to show you my true form," he said seriously.

You blinked a bit surprised and looked at him a bit confused.

"You need to see me," Loki said seriously, "the true me!" He looked at you with that same nervous, almost angry, demeanor. "Then you will understand."

You understood now. Loki had some form he had not shown you before and he was afraid of what your reaction would be. You try to keep your face natural as you give him a nod.

You know that you will love Loki no matter what he looks like, but you also know that your first reaction will affect him a lot. So you try to keep a poker face. It was clear that Loki hated whatever form he was about to show you, so you are unsure how bad it is.

But your eyes still turned huge as you saw it.

With a shimmer of magic Loki's skin changed, turning from the pale moon to a rich deep blue color. It reminds you of the open sky or the clear ocean. Tattoo-like lines appeared on him too, swirling around his body and tracing parts of his face.

His eyes looked like two shining rubies in the middle of the blue sea, his hair still the black wave style you know, but now it reminded you more of seaweed, flowing around his face to shade it in mystery.

His eyes are looking at you worried like you might start screaming or running for the door. You have a feeling that if you did, he would not stop or blame you.

But you have no urge to. Instead, you take a step toward him.

He takes half a step back, looking afraid again. Like you might hurt him in some way. You carefully take another step closer and look at him with big eyes, your face full of wonder.

Loki turns his gaze away from you, frowning and shaking slightly, his voice coming out a little too cold. "Now you see the monster that I am," he said, closing his eyes and seeming to be waiting for your judgment.

So you walk closer, speaking only the truth, hoping he can hear the honesty in your words. "I don't see a monster," you say, as your hands slowly reach up, stroking his cheeks, "not now, not before... I never have."

He releases a shuddering sigh, opening his tear-filled eyes, and looks at you shocked. Like he can't fully believe your words.

You smile warmly at Loki. "It's beautiful," you tell him honestly, stroking one of the swirl-like patterns on his cheek, following it down to his neck. "You are beautiful," you said seriously, putting your other hand on his chest. "Inside and out."

He scuffed at you, but his eyes still looked relieved, tears flowing down his cheeks. "You are just saying that." But he dips his head down more to let you stroke the pattern on his cheeks again.

"I'm not" You assure him, stroking the tears away and looking into his eyes. "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen Loki." And you feel the truth in your own words, being deeper than you ever realized. "Green and blue," you mumble, not understanding the emotion you suddenly have.

"I'm still a freak," Loki said, softly taking your hands as if to remove them from him, but does not seem to be able to make himself do it. He shakes his head, his eyes overflowing with tears again. "A boy who thinks his birthright was to be king, but really it was to die."

You free a hand to flick his ear, looking at him hard. "No, stop that!" You put both hands on his cheeks again and pull him down to look him deep in the eyes. "I never want to hear you speak badly about yourself like that again!" You said, shaking your head. "Whoever made you feel like this is the real monster!"

Loki looked unsure, but you don't let him break your gaze. "Your life might not have had the happiest start, but that does not mean you can't find happiness now."

Loki gave a short laugh without humor, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "That sounds rather stupid." He tried to look down, but you didn't let him.

He looks at you, crying silently and you stand on your toes to put your forehead against his. "It does not matter what you were born as. That does not make you who you are," you say as you look into his eyes with a deep gaze. "What matters is who you are now, and you are the man I love."

Loki froze at that, and you realize that is the first time you said you love him out loud, but you are not about to take it back, it is the truth!

"You don't have to say anything back," you say, as you can see the nervousness in his eyes, "but it is the truth."

You pull your hands away and lower yourself as you take a step back. "I think that's enough excitement for one night, yes?" You ask, and he nods in agreement, giving a little shudder as he turns back to his Asgardian form.

"Goodnight Loki," you say with a warm smile as you walk to the door, "talk to you later."

"Yeah..." Loki says softly as he looks after you. "Goodnight."