THE JOCK JUST WANTS THE NERD [2]

82

||ETHAN||

I feel, weak.

Everything is cold, I can barely do anything.

All I could hear was the consistent noise of the heart monitor plugged to my chest.

What I've noticed, is that it's slowing down.

...

Is this where I'm gonna die?

My mind flashed back upon memories, digging up deep within my Consciousness.

I'm left alone in this room with nobody but me.

"Someone... please."

My heart wrenched as I start sobbing.

"I'm scared..."

Mom, only you know how it truly felt during your final breath.

Now, I get to experience your pain firsthand.

It terrifies me.

-

Seconds, minutes, hours flew by.

I dabbled into the pitch black when I heard the sound of a doorknob rustling.

But my space was covered with a wall of curtains that divided the room; entrance on the other side while the bed I lay upon to rest is here.

When the door shut, my dad enters through the white borders and stares at me with a sorrowful look.

Slowly, step by step, he took a small plastic chair that was to the next of the bed and adjusted it so he can sit down as he gazes at my state.

I peer down at his hands.

They're shaking.

"Dad..." I could hardly speak, throat was dry and it stung.

He reaches out and gently caresses my cheek.

That same face, eyes, and look of distraught, was the way how he looked at mom before she passed.

Here, the same setting, gloomy in a quiet hospital room.

"It's okay baby... I'm here," he whispered, trying to hold back from breaking down.

The surface of his palms were rugged and rough, hands of a man who used them to work endlessly in order to support me till now. But the way he touched my fingers were soft and tender, "what's going to happen to me?" I huffed.

Dad blinks, "you're gonna live..."

There was this condoling warmth. I thought I could smile, but I sense there was a catch to this so it faltered, "w-wait, how?"

He keeps silent, but decides to look unfazed from the dilemma, "I'll be your blood donor...

... the doctor said that it's possible. I'd be able to transfer some for you." His eyelids shut tight, "but, we'd need to be able to patch up your gruesome wound fully, as well as doing surgery to reconstruct your broken ribs..."

Face scrunched up at the excessive list of medication, "how much will it cost?"

"You don't have to worry son..." he tries to dismiss it with a shake of his head.

But the nerve-wracking thought of the expenses kept eating through and pushing my curiosity, "no, dad, please tell me..." I insisted.

Dad, pained to see me complain, heaved, "...around $20,000." My muscles tensed as such a pricey note. How in the world did I get reduced to a situation like this? "Everything is going to be fine. I've already situated a conclusion with the doctors along with the bank-"

"Dad, you can't!" I blurted. I tried sitting up, but he wasn't lying when I felt my skeletal system move into places where it shouldn't go, "agh!" I cringed in pain.

"D-don't move!" My father gasps, holding me down to keep me still on the bed.

"You can't..." I muttered once more. "That's all you have left, accumulated for 3 years," I argued.

Dad looks at me, what used to be concerned formed into frustration and confusion, "what, are you saying?"

"Please, I-I don't want to you give away all your time and effort... I'll be f-fine..." I faked the crushing sensation and masked it with a smile.

He didn't look convinced, nor pleased at my behavior, "you, are on 'death's' door. What are you talking about?" His teeth clenched as well as his fists.

"I feel like I'm always in the mercy of everyone. People help me almost every single time, and I feel like I'm never strong," my head turns away from him, "I'm sorry..."

His voice rose in anger, "Ethan, are you listening to yourself?!" Venomous pang laced his voice, "look at me Ethan..." he orders.

I did, and what I saw was a stream running down his face, "I will do everything I can to keep you alive and happy. No matter whatever the costs are, I promised nonstop to take good care of you. I love you too much to let go..." he was trembling, soon, his body gave out and back arched over to my torso. He weeps and I could feel the damp tears on my skin,

"... I've already lost your mother, I don't want to be alone. Let me do this for you, please..."

...

I gave thought to what he said.

And I ask myself.

Yeah, I am being selfish.

He's given so much, so damn much, why should I stop him now and throw it all away.

And I did say to myself before.

I'm scared of dying.

Not for myself, but because of how it would affect the people who care and love me.

Even by thinking of rejecting dad's intuition to save my life, hurt him, and it pains me to see him like this.

And, there's Jackson.

What would he think if he learns that I died?

...

When I nudged dad, he glances back at me.

I told him I was sorry, for acting like a fool. I said that despite the large fee, I'll try my best to get better and we'd pay it together.

After so, he gives me an enveloping hug; tight, but not enough to harm me.

This brings me back to reality.

Being alone, is one of the worst things to undergo.

And I don't want that to occur to my dad and Jackson.