THE JOCK JUST WANTS THE NERD [2]

79

||JACKSON||

Depleted of energy, I could barely keep myself from crashing.

When I finally made it back to the dorms, my forehead dropped onto the wheel of my car as a staggered breath exits out. My hand found its way to my phone and brought it out of my pocket. I just wanted to have someone to talk with, and my first choice was Ethan. The screen blared brightly upon turning on. finger scrolled amongst the list of names and numbers until his name appeared. Tapping, it rang, "I need you..." I whispered.

...

Nothing.

I didn't get a response, not even a voicemail that sounded of him, just seconds of silence until it timed out.

As audacious as it was, I tried again.

Please.

...

Nothing.

Taking a breath in, depression surged as I was buried under the moonlight. He must be busy or inactive in some way, perhaps I shouldn't bother. The clock on my car's frontside read 8:00, it might be reasonable for him to be asleep at this point.

Opening my door, the nearby cricket chirps a solemn orchestra. When I gave a moderate shut to the door, they seized their performance for a moment, before one by one, they resumed playing. My field of vision kept down to my feet that sluggishly stepped forwards into the dorms.

Walking down the hallways, I slumped my back and down to the door at the time of reaching the room. Worn-out, but through the other side is just my bed. The handle rattled and the door steadily flung inwards, "oh, Jack, I thought I heard-" Damian's voice fades when he sees me sat on the floor hunched over. "Jack?"

My head turns at a gradual pace until a hand was offered for me to take. Peering up, Damian looks at me worriedly. Receiving his gesture, he aids me to stand up and letting him take my arm to support it around his neck. With his guidance, Damian made sure I wouldn't fall as he brings me to my mattress. Making it to the edge, it didn't take long for the tranquil ambiance to be broken, "Are you okay?" He asks sitting.

Grimacing, my teeth clenched, unable to hold back the facade, "I'm not, I really ain't..."

"I-I'm sorry..." Damian, lowly audible with solicitude. For a brief moment, all we did was wallow in my self-pity when he scooted closer so he could pull me to a hug. To my surprise, I didn't expect such a compassionate action from him, but at this point, it didn't matter. I sunk into his arms because all I wanted was to forget all of the horrible notions that went down about an hour ago.

To be real, I was really anticipating rejection, denying acceptance, yet it still cut a rash wound on my heart.

So this is how the consequences of coming out feels like. Brad, Noah, Damian's younger brother. Now I know how they felt.

How the desolate effects could bring a person to melancholy because of sexuality and family.

-

Damian was there for me the entire time. He asked if I needed anything, like a snack, a glass of water, or even beer which I thought was funny yet considerate. Though, all I did was narrate the story of my disastrous dinner to which he intently listened.

After so, I said that I just wanted to rest and drown in a sea of sleep. He complies understandably as he walks over to the switch. When I cloaked within the dense cloth, he swipes the light down and we were now engulfed with the shade of night while a small blue glow seeped from the outside window.

"Goodnight..." Damian sighs, snuggling to his bed as it makes a few creaks.

-

I woke up in the middle of god knows when. My hands folded above my chest as I stare blankly at the ceiling. What kept me awake wasn't any noise. Thankfully, Damian wasn't snoring this time. I just, couldn't get over mom.

The way she couldn't deal with the thought of me, I didn't even say my farewell nor get the closure.

Just then, another batch of thunderous sirens resonated around the streets that it reached all the way here at the college campus. Yet another reason why I had not fallen to sleep. It kept me awake but also created this weird sensation in my gut. I don't know why, but I just feel sick and perturbed from hearing it.

Whenever you hear them, it's just a solid meaningful omen that something awful happened.

I tapped my fingers, unable to keep still. I wanted to get my mind off things as I may not be able to sleep for the next hours. Turning on my phone, I decided to just check my social media for now. Just by urge, I promptly visited Ethan's Instagram account. Here, I reminisced at all of the pictures he had posted. Eyes gleamed with happiness from the sight of him. There were so many images of his food, other friends, and his smile.

But what made me giddy were the ones he took of us. How together, we looked so happy.

I just wish, right here and now, I could just cuddle up with him and never let go.

It's all I ever want right now.

I'm so lonely. My thumb, almost as if it had a life of its own, just started moving and closed out of the app. It pressed the contacts one more and searched for Ethan's number. Upon discovering, I stared cravingly and tapped again. I'm very aware, that I most definitely will not have him respond. But my heart kept pursuing out of desperation and false hope.

My phone, rang, rang, and kept ringing.

...

Nothing.