Counting Sheep

Ch. 23 - The Best Kind of Stress

You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that they will somehow connect in your future. - Steve Jobs

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January 13th

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I woke up to an empty bed again. I sighed as I slowly pulled myself up. My giant bump making this once easy task now extremely difficult. The team was on a case, and I had decided a week after the Seattle poisoner case that I was no longer going in the field. A decision I hadn't made lightly.

Spencer and I had a massive fight that night, he had assumed the worst and thought I had quit. I had to knock some sense into and get him to understand. But still, he didn't.

So, now when the team gets a case I work it from the office. I enjoy being with Garcia or working the geographic profile from the comfort of my own couch. 

But I missed Spencer. I slept like shit when he was gone on these cases, but I tried to hide it from him. I was hiding a couple of things from him. 

This job was taking things from me and I was scared I wasn't going to get them back. I was so terrified for the safety of my children. 

Your children will never be safe.

I would sooner quit the FBI than lose my babies. This job has so much danger in it, and it chips away at your soul. 

I understand why Gideon left now, after all those years. He didn't have anything left, this job had taken everything. This job was my dream, but so was a family. How many chances will I get at a family with the love of my life? The FBI was easy, it was in my blood technically. 

I answered my phone as it rang. I didn't bother with looking at the caller ID. Only one person would be calling me this early on this day.

"Hey, honey." I yawned. It was 6 am after all, but the twins were early birds. 

"Happy Birthday, baby!" His cheery voice made the growing humans in my stomach toss and turn. I let my sleepy grin turn into a massive smile.

"You've got them doing gymnastics. I miss you." The longing in my voice couldn't be more apparent. Two weeks on a case in North Dakota, we were working with counter-terrorism on finding a remote terrorist cell. 

"I miss sleeping next to you and holding your bump. I miss being able to hold you close as they kicked. I wish you were here." I could hear the tremendous sadness in his heart. It was killing him not being near me and sadly it had caused a few fights. He struggled to understand why I couldn't be with him anymore. 

"You'll be home soon and we'll be able to cuddle as much as possible. Our babies will be here soon too." 8 weeks hopefully is all we had to wait. 

"Are you going into the office today?" We were close to ending the case so I was in the office more than I was at home. 

"Garcia is taking me out for lunch, so I'll be in the office all day." I heard a noise in the background and then some voices. 

"I've gotta go, I love you, baby." His tone worried me.

"I love you too." I got out of bed and waddled to the closet. I was having a 'yellow' kind of day.