Whimsical beauty ✔️

Chapter 30

This chapter is dedicated to Elusahsia. I don't know if you endured to read the 'long chapters' but your loyalty is quite touching. Thank you Lil sis. Lots of love!

"The defining factor"

Pretty

The moment I opened my eyes, the first person I saw was Amal. Everything came back to me and my heart gave another big slam over my chest.

I turned away from looking at her. I don't know that jealousy could be this bad because at that moment, I have forgotten what it means to be good. I just wanted to end Amal so I could feel just a tad bit better. I envision myself squeezing her neck with a ferocity of a serial killer... It won't take all that long to kill her at all. Her neck is so small... Each time I close my eyes, I see Saif kissing her.

It's not just the kiss.

It is what the kiss told me that makes me very angry. And it's not even anger so much as hurt, frustration and so much sorrow..

One time, we traveled to Washington. It was early February and Maree had a wedding to attend. Saif asked me to come with him because it's going to take him two months. It's a long time and he didn't want to spend it alone. I noticed that it's been a few weeks since he had kissed me on my mouth. If at all he did, it will be chaste and very impersonal. It worried me a little because it is one part of lovemaking that actually makes me feel like I was important to him. Whenever he would avoid that, I'm sure I did something and it might be very small so he is using that to punish me.

I could live without it right? It s just a freaking kiss? Right? But no. It's not okay. Yaa Azeez! It's not okay.

Saif's kisses were always intoxicating. Like he knew the right buttons to push right between a mixture of pure methodology of logic and passion...

But, its like I noticed something though. Each time he kisses me, he has this neutral expression in his eyes afterward. Like he was hiding his true feelings from me. Whenever I asked him why he always knows how to divert my attention from forcing him to answer.

So that time in Washington, I insisted he tells me what I did. He said it was nothing. I asked him why he avoids the subject and he said he didn't notice that it bothered me. He refused to make it an issue and when I keep insisting, he grew detached and impersonal again and this time, he even took it a little further by ignoring me altogether.

It took me a lot of effort to turn things around. But then, when he did indeed kiss me, I wanted to know why My eyes will close in pure bliss while his eyes were always bright and alert afterward. I wanted to know if he didn't like the kiss. And when he was tired of my nagging questions. He snapped.

'Do you really want to know why?' He said it with an I-no-longer-care tone of voice that makes me afraid of his answer. But even if it will hurt, I still want to know. So I said 'yes' he said

"It's because I don't feel anything! So leave me alone with the questions please!'

Each time I remembered his words, they hurt very badly. I cried for a long time because of those few words. It cut deep. Very deep...

And then bad luck struck again when I saw him kiss another girl! Ever since I married him, I've never seen him kiss Maree. If he took it far in front of me, it's because Maree was trying to annoy me and he would only allow a little peck on his cheek.

But today..

Today I saw him kiss this girl that I used to think was irrelevant and he actually looks like he was enjoying it! It will forever be etched into my very soul, taunting me, haunting me...