Love By Law

Chapter 27. Please hate me

Ankh meri has deve
Jado tenu tak da
Jaan to vi zyada tu
Pass mainu lagda

Mere khaali haathon ko hai
Taufa tu rab daa
Tere jiha hor koi
Hoi nai sakta

Mere sajdon ko saathi
Ek tera dar kaafi
Khuda na koi mainu
Hor mangdaa

Nit khair manga,
Nit khair manga
Soniya mai Teri
Duaa na koi hor mangdaa
🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

Please read the note and the end of the chapter.

Tara ☆ ○—

This is wrong.

This should not happen. Why God why?

Why on the earth did he have to fall for me? Why only me?

I am not lovable. I am not someone whom he can keep with him forever, cherish and care for. I have a dark past, a past that evokes the fire of revenge in me. There are many things in my life that I crave for, but love! Love comes at the end of the list.

I love him and loving is not gaining or owning someone, it's about being ready to let them go for their happiness. He will be happy without me.

Maybe he would suffer at first but trust me the pain of suffering is nothing compared to the pain of betrayal. He will be betrayed at the end. When he comes to know who I am and what I have been running behind for years, he will loathe me.

I even used him. Although I never intended to hurt him but unknowingly at the end he will be hurt when he'll get to know about everything.

I cannot fathom life with this guilt. The guilt of deceiving him or keeping him unaware of the truth. This guilt will eat me within, and the pain of this guilt will be relentless , unforgiving and much more than the pain of separation.

I cannot wake up everyday and look at my murderer self in the mirror. I cannot do this to him. His memories would be his feeble substitute and the only thing I can achieve after the unkempt truth of mine is revealed.

I will have to make him hate me for his own good.

I reached home and threw my body on the bed, the sheets cold and unwelcoming. I looked towards the white roses around the room mocking with their unchanging perfection.

I laid there closing my eyes hit by a storm of grief and sadness. I got up to take a cold shower.

I was in the shower and the cold water fell on my body, soothing me. I tried to divert my mind out of the distressing thoughts, but that portrait of mine is still lingering in my mind.

He loves me, a lot. I can see it in his eyes and feel it whenever he is around. The warmth he has for me radiates the heat expressing his feelings whenever he is near me.

I can't even imagine the depths of his love for me. Sometimes I just want to drown in his love and explore the depths, but I guess I won't be able to.

The memories flooded in my mind like a tumultuous tide, each one a sharp pang piercing my already wounded heart.

I came out from the shower and slipped into my lilac pyjamas. Standing in front of the mirror, I looked at myself and my unbothered adversary - the embodiment of harshness, ruthlessness and stubbornness.