Axel

Chapter 65

The sun shining through the closed curtains of my bedroom makes me groan and shove my face in the pillow trying to submerge in the darkness again but with no luck.

My head is pounding, feeling as if I got smash drunk last night and now I'm going through the unavoidable hangover. The difference is that I haven't drink a drop of alcohol.

Groaning I turn on my back and stretch my legs and shoulders before relaxing again, letting my hands loosely fall on my sides. The feeling of something rough and the sound of paper crunching makes me sit up and look at the scatter drawings of Mia all over my bed. Looks like I was twisting and turning a lot in my sleep last night. Not going to lie, I'm not surprised by that. I kept waking up every hour or so.

Whenever I was waking up my first move instinctively was to feel the empty space next to me where Mia used to sleep just a day ago. Fuck!

How did things take such a turn in one day? One hour I was drawing her almost naked figure in my bed, the next one we were fucking and then the next morning she was gone.

I feel my eyes water again so I shake my head and tilt my head upwards trying to keep them in. I think I did enough crying to last me for a couple more days.

We were over before we even really started and I'm the one that pushed her away, so why am I hurting so much. Damn love is more complicated than I thought! Or maybe I'm the one making it complicated.

I need to up my confidence a few notches cause I don't have enough confidence or trust in me to not screw over our relationship. That and mental issues I have are what make me push her away.

I'm scared I'll lose her forever one day. I need not to be scared about that. I need to understand that I deserve to be happy for once in my life. It's in my hands now. I'm the one that can either take that away from me or indulge myself in it.

When I was younger I always had someone controlling my life. Controlling my actions, what I can't and can do, what I can't and can say, how to behave in general. Even if I did do as told that unfortunately wouldn't get me away from "punishments". I never had the chance to decide for myself what to do, say, what places to go or what series or movies I could watch on TV. I couldn't even suggest what to eat and the list goes on and on.

Now that I'm an adult and I have a decent parental figure in my life which I screw that relationship up as well by pushing her constantly away, at least I can decide how I behave.

I keep pushing people away just because I don't want to get hurt again in the end, but the truth is that nobody knows what's the ending like until you reach it. So what I need to do is pick myself up and once I'm ready go and talk to Mia and who knows, maybe I'll reach the ending sooner than I want it to.

I pick up all the drawings and sketchbooks from the floor and put them back on my desk before going to my living room. Looking around I see that I have some cleaning and tidy to do, so I do just that.

I want to keep myself busy because I don't like being left alone with my thoughts for long they tend to scold me or be ugly. Midway through cleaning, I notice that I knock a frame down by accident. Picking it up is photos of Mia. She insistent I frame some photos I took of her. She said that I can look at them when I miss her. I remember that day she told me that like yesterday. Ironically, we were cleaning and putting up decorations in this room.

*flashback*

"A little bit more to the right, yes! There, perfect!"

She clasps her hands together and grins from ear to ear as I put up the mirror in the living room perfectly straight.

"Do you have like OCD or something that I don't know of?"

I swear she could have it with how perfectly she wants everything being put around my flat. Honestly, it feels as if it's our flat rather than just mine.

It's a nice feeling though, I'm not going to lie.

"No, I don't! I just like things to look nice and not wonky, " she twirls around on the heels of her bare feet and picks up some frames out of the bag.

"Picture times!" she yells enthusiastically.

"We can put some pictures or even a few of your drawings up to show off your talent to everyone that walks in, " she says sitting on the floor with the frames laid out in front of her.

I go grab my sketchbook and a few pictures I have saved on a folder and sit down next to her.

"I want to have these pictures of you. It's really the only pictures I have."

I rub my neck feeling a bit embarrassed saying that.

"That'll be great! Now every time you miss me you can just look at me in this frame and put me next to you on the couch watching movies."

"Or I could just face time you or call you, " I add raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah or that if you want to be like everyone else."

She turns and leans closer to me smiling with all her teeth on show.

We spent the next couple of minutes putting in the photos and sketches and deciding where to put them. Some we place on side tables and above the fireplace and other we hang up on the walls. We were in the middle of cleaning when one of Mias songs that currently stacked to her started paying.

"Oh, God here we go, " I say taking a deep breath mentally preparing myself.

"I love it when you call me senorita, " Mia starts singing. She doesn't have a terrible voice but she's not exactly the best vocalist out there to say it like that.

"Sweat dripping of you before you even knew my name la la la, it felt like oh la la la, " she sings to me while slowly approaching me swaying her hips left and right.

I try to keep a straight face but I couldn't for long. I start smiling like a cherished cat and she returns it with one of hers.

"I don't even call you senorita, " I say once she stops right inform of me.

"Doesn't matter, you can start calling me that if you want, no one is stopping you, " she says whilst I bite my lip shaking my head. She burst out laughing and continue to sing on top of her lungs.

This song don't get me wrong is a good song but, I have heard it so many times I'm slightly over it now.

*flashback end*

I put the frame back and dropped on the couch gripping my hair.

I can't stay in this flat.

Maybe I'll pack a bag and go back to my foster parent's house for a little bit at least.

I'll go crazy if I stay here without her. It feels wrong cause even though I paid for this flat, for me it was just a house, a space to live without my foster parents around. Without constant yelling and arguing and insults being thrown at me.

Mia changed my feelings for this place though. She put her own magic touches around this whole entire place.

Mia was the one that made it feel like home.

A/N

Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well!

I know I've been away for a few days and I didn't update but now I'm back so next chapter will be up tomorrow!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️

I hope you have a nice day and night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️