Axel

Chapter 64

AXEL'S P.O.V

Once the door shut behind her, I let the tears fall like a river. I grip my hair as hard as I can, pulling them whilst rocking back and forth on the sofa. I'm so disappointed and mad at myself for pushing her away once I had the chance to call her mine.

I am a coward, Mia was right about that.

For so long I wanted to be able to call her mine and only mine. To be able to touch her, kiss her, hug her, hold her hand in public, sleep with her by my side and wake up next to her. To be able to tell her I love her every day without having a third person between us.

So, why on earth am I panicking now? Is it because I'm afraid that I won't be better than Carter? I scoff and shake my head. Who am I kidding?

It's because I've never felt this way before and I'm scared. Is because the feeling of love even though I love it also scares me. It's unknown territory for me. I'm scared I'll do something to ruin our relationship and lost her from my life all together as a friend and girlfriend.

She makes me feel things I haven't felt before. This almost past 2 weeks we spent together was the most amazing time of life. For once it was filled with love and care and happiness and laughter and passion.

Mia isn't just a friend and potential girlfriend of mine. For me, she is a special someone that I hold dearly in my heart. She showed me love and care. She shed some light into that dark mind of mine. She made me feel the feeling of love, that's something I can never repay her for. She taught me how relationships should be, again something I never thought I would need one day.

Girls never saw me seriously because of rumours and whispers and bullshits people were saying. The judgment base on looks and rumours is ridiculously real, unfortunately. I never dated anyone before. I approached only two girls in my entire life without counting Mia in and ask them out. Both times I was rejected. One of them even laughed at my face while blatantly saying no to me.

I could make a river or an entire pond if I collect the tears I'm shading for letting go of Mia. The beautiful girl that came randomly in my life. She showed me the beauty in this ugly life of mine. She showed me how much beauty I could have with her in my life but here I am. Crying and shaking from pendant anger.

Why can I just man up? Words that my previous foster family used to tell me, come rushing in. Everything just falls apart today and it seems like I can't keep up with it.

Letting out a scream I harshly bring forward my hand to the glasses on the table swiping them off it. The sound of the glasses breaking after contacting the ground doesn't satisfy my anger. I stand up and kick the chair to the floor turning sharply towards the couch again. I grip a pillow and throw it over the side table knocking the items on it down. Moving to my bedroom I push all my drawing pencils and sketchbooks to the floor and hit my fist repeatedly on the table until my knuckles turn blue and purple.

Letting out a sob I feel my knees give up on me, making me collapse on the floor. My back resting against the side of the bed with my arms hugging my knees close to my chest. I rock back and forth and let out the tears in wails.

After what felt like hours of crying I lift my head up and see all the drawings of her scattered around the floor. I crawl over to the latest one I draw of her. Letting my fingers skimmed on her figure I felt even more tears coming and falling silently this time. I don't think I have any more energy to sob.

Once I run my finger on her sketched figure I pick up another drawing of her beautiful face. She had a small smile on her face that I always found adorable. I spent the next few hours dripping tears and examining the drawings I made of Mia. I wish I had made more of them now. It feels like theirs not enough drawings of her beauty.

I screw up badly.

I'm also afraid now that when I do man up and go to her as she said I would, she won't take me back. I need to get myself back together and I need to do that quickly. I need to let go of this fear that everything in my life will end up going badly. That everything I touch will die with time like an unwatered flower.

I remember when I looked into her eyes back there wanting to see how she was feeling, how badly my words were affecting her. I tried to see through her to get a glimpse of what she must be feeling.

Dissapotment, anger and love. Cause for some reason even though I just gave up on us when we finally had the chance to be together, finally, she had broken up with her boyfriend, something that I wanted to happen and waited for it for many months now, I gave up. I gave up on her, on us!

I shake my head and grip the sketchbook in my hand tighter. I am a fucking idiot but maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe I need to spend some time without her and think about my feelings and actions.

I thought I was ready. I really thought that I was ready for a relationship but when the moment finally came I froze. I shit myself to say it like that.

Their's one thing I'm sure about. I want a future with Mia in it. I want a future with Mia as my girlfriend, fiance and wife if she'll take me. I want to grow old with her and have a home together. I want to love her forever and be loved by her as well.

I think she needs to sort things out with Carter cause this break up didn't go well and I know Mia. She never wants to hurt anybody. I know she feels a bit bad about how she spoke and break thing to him. As for myself, I need to get my shit back together and sort things out with myself and later on with Mia.

I'm not sure how much time it will take me to do it but hopefully, it won't be that long and hopefully, I'm worth the wait in her eyes.

I crawl in bed not bothering to get under the covers and hug the drawings of Mia close to my chest. I feel exhausted emotionally and physically from all the tears and sobs and words I spoke.

Closing my eyes I slowly drift off to sleep with tears stains on my cheeks.

A/N

Tears and even more tears in today's chapter.

Do you think they were ready to get in a relationship together?

Do you think Axel was just being paranoid and Mia should've just reassured him?

Or do you that they indeed needed some time apart to sort some things through?

Next chapter coming soon...👀

What do you think will happen next?

Will they have their happy ending or do you think sometimes two people are better off as friends?

Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️

I hope you have a nice day and night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️