Axel

Chapter 43

I wasn't expecting him to write that to me.

I was completely unprepared.

I'm still quite shocked about this and a little unsure because he never felt love before so how can he be so confident that what he's feeling for me is love. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the situation. I'm a bit concern if this came too early taking into consideration where we're standing in our friendship.

Can I even use that word between me and Axel, not really but I will!

I turn around on my side and face the massive window listening to the heavy rain chucking down outside.

I've never felt so much passion and desire for someone in my life, not even Carter. That's the funny thing! Even though I had a huge crush on Carter for a while before we actually got together, the feelings I had for him felt different from what I'm feeling now towards Axel.

The only thing remaining is to make sure that what I'm feeling for Axel is utter pure love and not just sexual desire and that's what I'm planning to find out.

The jiggling of keys snaps me out of my thoughts I stand up fixing my satin PJs. Once I came back home I took a long warm bath and change into my more nice PJs laid down on the bed and take a nap.

I have been waiting for Carter to come back for a couple of hours now and finally, he's here. He texted me telling me that once his lecture is done he'll go pick us food, it looks like he hasn't planned really anything for us today.

Going into the living area I see him placing the bag of food down alongside a bouquet of red roses and something else. He removes his coat and throws it on the sofa before realizing I'm standing there.

"Oh, hey baby! Happy Valentine's Day, " he approaches me and gives me a kiss.

"Happy Valentine's Day, " I say and watch him grabbing the bouquet and box giving them to me.

"I got this for you on my way back. Why don't you put it in a vase and come join me to eat?" I grab the flowers and the box of chocolates.

Nodding I turn around and place the box in a cupboard and put the flowers in a vase on the kitchen island. I go back and join him sitting next to him on the sofa I decided that I'll have a talk with him in 2-3 days. I don't want to do it now on Valentine's Day.

I don't want to be an asshole today.

We put on a movie and cuddle on the sofa for the next two hours. One thing I notice and confirm the decision I made is that I have been with Carter 3 years now and he doesn't seem to remember that my favourite rose is baby pink but Axel knows me for a little over a year and he knows me better.

Axel actually pays attention to me when I speak and he seems to remember small details about me. He remembers what my favourite flower is, my favourite type of chocolate, he remembers how to make it up to me, he took me ice skating, something that I wanted to try for years.

Carter was a very caring guy at the beginning of our relationship, still is in a way but I don't think he ever actually paid attention to what I'm saying. He let me down in a sense but I still love him anyway.

I mean for fuck's sake I know this boy for 8 years now!

On the one hand, I think this makes it worse because after so many years he should know me inside and out but he doesn't. On the other hand, maybe I can understand if he forgot small details like this after so long of being together. It's not like it's the end of the world.

"You know I wanted to talk something out with you. I tried again another time to talk about it but you got mad and started yelling at me, so I want us to actually talk this time, " his voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

I already don't like where this is going because I have an idea of what he wants to talk.

"Sure, let's talk about it, " I sit up on the couch and lean on the armchair creating some space between us.

"I want us to talk about contraception, " I let out a sigh I knew it.

"What about it?" I ask.

"I understand that the pill makes you feel a bit down and messes up with your hormones but maybe you need to talk to your doctor about it because maybe that pill wasn't the right one for you."

I'm surprised about the way he's going on about it, he actually is respectful and understanding.

"I'm mean yeah there might be a possibility of a more suitable pill for me but I don't see the reason for me to even try and get on another pill. I don't see where the problem is with you wearing a condom, " I don't want us to fight.

"Okay, yeah there isn't a particular reason why I persist on this matter other than that it will feel better for not only me but for you as well without a condom. We both know that because at the beginning we weren't using one cause of the pill, " he lays his hand on my thigh and just leaves it resting there.

"I know it feels better but I just don't want to get on another pill because nothing and nobody can guarantee to me that it won't have some side effects. Every girl's body reacts differently to the pill, some don't have major problems with it while others do. I don't want to risk having it affect me negatively again, " I grab his big hand and give it a squeeze.

I'm hoping that we can leave this subject here.

"Okay, " he says.

"Okay, " I say raising an eyebrow. I'm pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah, okay I understand where you're coming from and it seems like you understand where I'm coming from too. I'm just glad we had a proper conversation about it, " he says leading his head back on the sofa.

I feel a bit guilty now. Guilty about the decision I made, guilty that I'm not in love with him anymore, guilty of denying both of us a little more extra pleasure to say it like that. I'm starting to second guess everything right now and I don't like it.

I hate being an overthinker!

I'm going to make it up to him because I love him and this is the least I can do if I go through with my original decision.

A/N

Hey guys, another chapter for you today and well, enjoy... 👀

Next chapter comes out tomorrow!

Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️

Have a nice day/night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️