I throw away the many empty beer bottles and grab a cloth to clean. We might or may not have gotten super drunk last night. Aiden left my flat earlier this morning with a scratch right above his eyebrow. He headbutted the coffee table last night while I was clutching my stomach from laughing too much. I put the cloth away and grab the broom. Once I finish cleaning and tidying the place I'm off to have a quick shower.
After washing myself I just stand there placing my hands on each side of the shower wall letting the lukewarm water hit me right in the face. As if the water can help me decide what the hell to do next in life. My life is fucked in many ways, always has been. I don't even know if God has written what will happen next in my story, he's probably debating it himself.
I ponder upon my thoughts trying to find a solution to this whole triangle situation that I have gotten myself into. Maybe I should've listened to Aiden when he told me to stay out of it. It wouldn't take over my mind and it would've hurt a lot less. At the same time though, I really love Mia and I'm not sure if I would be able to follow through Aiden's advice.
God this is such a fucking mess! Why does she have to make it so difficult? Why can she admit to herself what is going on and what she needs to do? Why put us through this shit? I'm annoyed, confused and a little bit pissed at Mia.
I shut off the water getting out and drying myself. I can't stand being alone with my thought anymore. I feel like my head will explode at some point from all this thinking. I need to focus on my assignments and draw. I put the towels away and go to my bedroom to put some clothes on. I leave my hair to air dry whilst pulling on my grey sweatpants and a white hoodie.
A small rapid knock on my front door makes me frown. I run my hand through my wet hair trying to think who could be this time. Is not Aiden, that's for sure. I don't think Matt and Luca will drive all the way here to see how I am considering I texted them this morning. As for Rebecca, I texted her last night plus she has never even seen my flat before I don't think that's about to change. So...Oh shit! I hope it's not who I just thought it is!
With quick steps, I go to my front door stopping for a second to take a deep breath and open the door revealing...yeah shit! I knew my luck was well...not existent.
"Hi, " she says smiling at me hesitantly.
"Hey, " I fake a smile and pull the door a bit wider indicating for her to come in.
"Thank you."
She takes small conscious steps towards the living area with me following behind her.
"I haven't heard anything from you in the past couple of days, " Mia says while taking a sit on my sofa. I take a sit on the other end of the sofa both of our bodies turn so we're facing each other.
"Well the phone works both ways doesn't it?" I chuckle and scratch my eyebrow.
"What do you want to say by that?"
She looks at me her head tilt to the side like a dog trying to understand what the fuck did their owner said.
"If you wanted to hear from me you could've texted me or call me, you had time but you didn't evidently. I'm not the only one that can call people. Tea?"
I stand up already wanting to escape this tense conversation for even just a few minutes.
"Yes, thank you."
She totally ignores my comment just like she ignored my love confession three days ago.
I make tea as slow as I can to try and prevent the conversation from going any further for as long as possible. Truth is, I don't think I'm ready to have a talk with her, but I can't escape it now can I? I would've much preferred it if she just texted me. The tea is ready far too quickly but it is what it is. I grab the mugs from their handle trying not to burn my hand and place them carefully on the table taking a sit back on the couch.
"So why did you come here?" I ask her taking a small sip of the burning tea.
"I miss you, that's all and I wanted to see how you're doing after the last time we saw each other, " she awkwardly clears her throat looking at me.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. You didn't really help at all, " I try to keep my voice at a peaceful level.
"Well, what were you expecting me to say, Axel? I was shocked! I wasn't prepared for that at all and it complicated things even more for me. How can you be so sure that what you're feeling is that?"
Whythe fuck is she getting all annoyed at me?
"You said to me that when I'll find the girl I'll just know. I might have never felt love before but I'm not naive or dumb, I can tell the difference. Is that why you came here to fight with me?" I'm starting to get really irritated.
"I didn't come here to fight or argue with you and I wasn't trying to say that your an idiot or anything. You just took me by surprise. I didn't know how to feel about it either, that's why I didn't say anything! I came here to tell you the decision I took but your attitude and behaviour are making me second guess it."
She places the mug on the table and snaps her head to face me with an unreadable expression on as I chuckle. Wow! I shake my head, this girl!
"You know what? I'm annoyed at you. You're the one making things more difficult! You can easily stay or break up with him and come and tell me afterwards! Instead of doing that you're leaving two boys to fight for you while you sit there and debate with yourself who do you like more! And while you're doing that you're giving me hope and in the end, you might let me down. It would've been so easy if you just stop overthinking it so much and follow your fucking heart because theirs two other peoples heart on that table Mia, is not only yours, " I lay back on the sofa and shut my eyes close blowing off air trying to calm myself.
"You don't know how difficult it is to let him go and I'm not expecting you to understand. I may not be in love with him anymore but I will always love him. Yes, I have feelings for you and I'm even falling in love with you but I've known him for 8 years, that's a long time. He became my safe space, a familiar presence in my life. He became a part of my routine and it's not easy to change your routine, it takes time. I made a decision before I came here and I'm going to stick by it and hopefully, I'll be proved to have taken the right one, " she says.
"Let me ask you something did you fucked him after I told you I'm in love with you?" She closes her eyes in pain and looks down on the floor.
"You don't even need to tell me your reaction says everything. So tell me this, how could you have fucked him while you knew you were in love with me? How did that make you feel? I'm not accusing you of anything because we're not together so you can fuck your boyfriend as much as you want. Please though, just like you felt uncomfortable with me saying out loud my feelings for you don't tell me you love me and then go fucking your boyfriend, " I stand up ready to go lock myself in my room hoping that she would get the hint and leave but she grabs my hands stopping me.
"I'm sorry but at that moment it felt right so I'm sorry, but I didn't regret it, " she says while looking in my eyes. I scoff although it comes out as a sob.
"You know what? Don't come here unless your relationship status with Carter changes and I'm able to fuck you, " I say to her biting my lip trying to keep the tears in for just a little longer.
"Fine, " she says and turns around grabbing her bag and jacket from the couch and leaving.
Once I hear the door closing and her silhouette disappearing I leave the tears fall with the speed of a waterfall. I drop to the floor crying in my hands.
"Fuck!"
Today my heart shutter a bit.
A/N
Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well!
Another chapter will come out later on today...👀
Feel free to comment & vote as always! ❤️
Have a nice day/night! Xx
All the love - M ❤️
YOU ARE READING
Axel
Romance"You don't like it rough?" he asks me. Oh, okay, I smirk back at him, two can play this game. "I like it... but only during sex, " I say to him watching as his smirk drops and eyes widen just for a split second. "What? Didn't expect that?" I ask...
