AXEL'S P.O.V
Drinking my thoughts and feelings away is probably not the best thing to do right now but I don't care. I never did. I lay on my sofa with the fifth bottle of beer in my hand staring at the wild flames dancing in the fireplace. When I practically said to Mia that I love her I was expecting her to say something anything or at least show something, give me something to work on. Instead, I was meet with absolute silence that has been driving me crazy for 2 days straight now.
She must have known it wasn't easy for me to say that to her. She knows that I never had love. I didn't even know what it was until she showed me. I don't know how to interpret her silence. Is it good? Is it bad? Did she felt bad is that why she didn't say anything? Was it too soon? Should have I waited a while before I said that to her? Well, she hasn't really heard it coming out of my mouth and I don't think she'll hear it anytime soon. Did I regret writing that to her? Maybe, I don't know to be honest. Her reaction made me regret it a bit.
Why is loving someone so hard? Why is it so difficult for her to break up with Carter? What does he have that is so hard to let go off? Why can't she give us a chance? Don't I deserve that? Scoffing I take another long sip of my beer. Well, if you ask past foster parents of mine or Patrick they'll probably say I don't deserve anything. Maybe they're right. Maybe I don't deserve love or long-lasting happiness, or a caring family.
I'm scared. I don't think I can handle getting my heart broken by her. I got my heart broken by my past foster parents and even my biological family but that's a different type of heartbreak. I'm so used to that kind of pain that it's numb now. If Mia breaks me though, I don't know how I'll handle it. Not because I'm afraid that I won't be able to fall in love with another girl in the future but because I'm scared that no one else will fall in love with me. With Mia, it feels as if I won the lottery. You have no chance of winning again, no one is that lucky and my luck is none existing.
My phone vibrates on the coffee table making me groan. I know that is Aiden trying to reach me, he called me like 5 times already and sent me a bunch of texts. I'm not in a mood to talk with anyone right now. I just want to drown in my thoughts so I just ignore him and let it ring hoping that he'll get tired and leave me alone. After a few minutes it stops, thank God! My head hurts from the annoying vibration so I grab my phone and shut it off.
Back to my thoughts now, I don't know how to act with Mia now. I feel like I'll be the one feeling awkward instead of her. Do I continue acting as if I didn't write to her that I love her? Do I just act like it never happen or do I apologise for writing that and say I don't really mean it? Will that make things better or worse though? Maybe I'll just won't do anything. I'll just wait for her to text me or speak to me first. I'll be the one avoiding her this time.
Harsh knocking on my front door makes me jump out of my skin. Standing up abruptly I stable myself using that armrest of the sofa placing my beer down on the table almost knocking it down. Some beer spilling out of the bottle, shit! The knocking just never stops, jeesh!
"I'm coming! I'm coming, " God damn it!
I got to the kitchen grabbing some kitchen paper and wiping the table clean. I throw the paper in the trash and on my way to the front door I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look like shit to put it lightly. Dark bags under my eyes for not sleeping well the past few days due to my running thoughts and constant stress. My T-shirt is wrinkly it needs a good wash and iron. I run my hands through my messy hair trying to smooth them a bit. I grab the handle and take a deep breath I just hope it's not Mia. I open the door harshly.
I roll my eyes and take a step back.
"What do you want?" I didn't think that he would have come here if I knew that I wouldn't have ignored him.
"I came to see if you were okay! You haven't been answering any of my calls even Matt and Luca and Rebeca texted you but we didn't hear anything from you, " Aiden has an angry scowl on his face hands resting on either side of the door frame.
"I'm fine can't I have a few moments on my own? What the hell did Rebecca want?" I leave the door open and go back to the living area plopping down on the sofa. I hear Aiden closing the door before joining me in the living area sitting down on the sofa resting his elbows on his knees and intertwines his fingers.
"She wanted to ask you if you wanted to go for dinner there tonight your grandma is coming. As for us, we were worried. We haven't seen you or heart from you for two days now. What going on? You look like shit!" He faces relaxes and instead a look of worry takes over.
"I said to Mia I love her and she didn't say anything and just left to spend valentines days with her boyfriend. I just needed time to think about it. That's why I wasn't answering. As for dinner tonight I'll let Rebecca know once you leave that I won't go, " I lay back and rest my arm across my eyes.
"Fuck man why the hell did you do that!?" He leans his head back on the sofa and rubs his forehead between his fingers.
"Because...I don't know... I don't know."
Fuck my life!
"What did you expect her to say, Axel! She is in a relationship with someone else, of course, she wouldn't say anything! I told you not to go after her but no you wanted to fight for her. How is that going for you?" He sounds extremely pissed with me.
"I just love her, " is the only thing I can say.
I remove my arm from my eyes and turn my head to the side to look at him.
"I know you do, " he shakes his head.
"I just don't want you to get hurt again. I don't know how you'll react and I don't know how to help you, " he says.
"Just be there for me cause I'll need you for sure if that happens. I'll need your help to stay on my feet. I've never experienced this before so I don't know, " I close my eyes for a second before I feel him sit next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bring me closer to him.
"Of course I'll be there for you man. Want to order food and have a sleepover like when we were 13?" I chuckle at the old memories.
"Fuck yeah with alcohol this time though, " I say.
"Obviously! Go get us some beers and I'll order pizza."
He gets out his phone ready to order while I go to the kitchen taking two cold beers from the fridge.
I don't know what I'll do without him and the other guys. They're more my family than my foster one is.
I'll push Mia at the back of my mind tonight.
A/N
Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Poor Axel, I can't see my baby like this. 😔
More to come tomorrow!
Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️
Have a nice day/night! Xx
All the love -M ❤️
YOU ARE READING
Axel
Romance"You don't like it rough?" he asks me. Oh, okay, I smirk back at him, two can play this game. "I like it... but only during sex, " I say to him watching as his smirk drops and eyes widen just for a split second. "What? Didn't expect that?" I ask...
