That Imperfect Addiction

-1-

Felicity

Let's say, sometimes things don't go the way we plan.

I open my eyes and stared at the ceiling, for good ten minutes. I still can't believe what happened yesterday night. A, stupid, part of me wanted to be convince that all was just a dream.

I sighed rubbing my face and made my way towards the washroom. I didn't get much sleep last night because the scene I saw, wasn't letting me relax.

All blood. Guns. Dead body.

'ugh!'

I whined looking at the dark circles under my eyes. I, myself, am not looking much better than a dead body. My skin is looking sickly pale, with ugly dark circles under my dull eyes, hair sticking out all over the place.

I sighed again and carried on my regular morning activities. Even if I have ghostly apperance, I can't live like one now, can I?

After a nice, somehow, relaxing shower, I went to kitchen and started fixing myself some scramble eggs and toast. As I was making the eggs, events from yesterday night again replayed on my head. I focused out of my work and absent mindedly kept stirring my eggs.

'All I wanted was a peaceful weekend full of relaxation time. But oh my luck! It had to be ruined'

I shivered as I remember the sound of that man begging for his life, which was later on followed by gunshot. I so desperately want to go to the police and file a report on everything I saw, but thinking about the various possibilities of how they'll later on kill me, stops me every time from going.

Call me selfish but I, as every other human being, choose to live my life peacefully. No more drama please.

Suddenly I remembered my eggs and as I looked down at my pan, at that very moment, I knew my Saturday was all ruined too. My juicy scramble eggs were now nothing but a big ugly patch of burnt ashes.

I watched my pan with heavy depressed eyes and whined. Call me childish, but I have this believe that if your morning doesn't start good, your whole day is gonna sink down the Pacific Ocean. Even a single mistake in the very start of the day can cause you downfall of your whole day.
And personally, me being extremely clumsy doesn't help my situation.

I'm not one of your optimist. I can get depressed very easily plus I'm a very emotional person. Man, I, a 23 year so called adult, cry while watching Disney cartoons.

I sighed for the umpteenth time this early morning. Can you imagine how fucking tired I am. Having no more power to cook another batch of scramble eggs, I settled for the bowl of cereals.

Half way through eating, my phone rang and I cursed under my breath as I saw my mother's picture popping up.

'shit! Forgot to call her'

"Hey mom" I answered.
"Hey to yourself. You forgot to call"
"I'm sorry maa" I exhaled heavily.
"You sound terribly tired young lady. What were you doing last night, huh?" I can hear the smirk behind her tone.

A smile crept on my face while thinking what kind of mother tease her daughter like this. Mum and I are best friends to each other. She lets me live my life, but warns me not to ever cross the limit. She's afraid I might just end up like her.

"Mum, nothing happened last night. I'm just tired because of work. These days were very busy" I lied. Well I can't tell her the truth now, can I.

"Don't take so much stress honey. You'll get wrinkles before me" she chuckled lightly, making me giggle too.

Mothers can really be the happy pill for there children. My mother is, for me, surely. I taked to her for some time, when she reminded me of something I hate doing the most.

"You remember you've to go to your father's house this evening right?"
"Ugh!" I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Sweetheart, I know you hate it but you have to do it. Your father will be waiting for you. A dinner will not hurt you right?" She tried to convince me.

"Why do I have to go to that hellhole every Saturday? It's not like that man likes to see me there. That whole family is fucking insane for God sake!" I angrily exclaimed.

"Miss Felicity Rose Miller, donot speak of your father like that. He's your father, you're his blood. Donot insult the person who made the future possible you're living now" she said firmly.

I scoffed but answered her with a "Yes mother" before cutting the call.

Three cheers to my luck because my whole day is ruined now for sure. Hot tears burn my eyes, as I cleaned my table and the bowl. Arguing with the person I loved the most was not in my plan to do.

Tears of frustration, anger, fear, sadness ran down my cheeks as I angrily washed the pan with ruined eggs. The tears were somewhere there inside my eyes since last night. The tears of frustration was building there, with fear, from yesterday night itself.

I angrily wipe out the tears as I think of my father. That pathetic excuse of a person doesn't deserve my tears.
The man who lied to my mother only to get into her pants.

That man lied to my mother, fooling her that he loved her. My mother, as innocent she was, believed that foul man and gave everything to him. Days later when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, that man did nothing but ran away. When my mother ran into him in this big city, he had the audacity to blame my mother for her irresponsibility and abandon her just like that.

But the twist came into the story, when my mother found out he was already married and had a 2 yrs old child. Heart broken, she went back to her small town, and vowed to never come back.