"There's only one way I'm gonna get my dad alone. You have to tell my mom that you need to speak with her in private" said Jake.
"About what?" asked y/n. "I barely know her."
"Tell her that you're plugged up and you need a laxative" said Jake.
"What? No! I'm not gonna say that. I'll just say I have a headache" said y/n.
"Okay, so here's the plan: I drop the bomb during charades. I'll just tell him I know about Sheila... With my body" Jake said.
------------------
Y/n, Karen and Roger were watching Jake try and imitate what he had seen his dad and Sheila doing.
I couldn't think of a better way to put it.
"Um... Fast, uh, fast - 'Fast and Furious'?" guessed Roger.
Jake mimed panicking.
"'Magic Mike'?" asked Roger. "I don't know... Uh, 'Crying Game'? I don't know."
"Time" said Karen.
Jake groaned.
-------------------------
Roger was now moving his hands around in a circular motion.
"The whole thing?" guessed Karen.
Roger shook his head.
"Not the whole thing. Okay" said Karen.
Roger panted like a dog.
"It doesn't matter how much humping I do, he's still not getting it" Jake whispered to y/n as Karen said "Dog, dog, dog."
Y/n sighed. "Okay. Well... Then this is happening."
Y/n stood up. "Hey, Karen, can I talk to you for a second in private? I'm a little plugged up."
"Oh, well, say no more. I have an entire cabinet devoted just to that" said Karen, taking y/n by the hand and leading y/n to the cabinet.
"Wow. TMI, you guys" said Jake, mouthing "Thank you" as y/n and Karen left the room.
---------------------
"Okay, we're all good" said Karen, walking back into the living room with y/n. "Raw garlic. Cures everything."
"It sure does, and it's so delicious" said y/n, sitting down next to Jake.
"Uh... Where's your father?" Karen asked, looking around the room.
"Oh, Roger, you mean? He left very suddenly. Said something about 'being the worst'" Jake said.
"What did you say to him, Jake?" Karen asked.
"What? Why do you assume that I said something? He's a leaving jerk, so he left like a jerk. This is what he does" said Jake.
"He's not a monster" said Karen.
"Yeah, well, you wouldn't say that if you knew everything that he's done" said Jake.
"What did he do, Jake?" asked Karen.
"Nothing. You know, just, like super-awful life-changing things. No follow-up questions" Jake answered.
"Is it worse than the time he cheated on me with Sheila Bodden?" Karen asked.
"Ah. You knew about that?" asked Jake.
"Yeah. I knew about that" said Karen.
--------------------
"I can't believe you knew about Sheila" said Jake.
Karen nodded. "I also knew about Wendy. And Bonnie."
"Bonnie who wears a wig?" asked Jake.
"She left it in our bathroom. That's how I found out. And also, remember your turtle, Graham Crackers?" said Karen.
"Dad had sex with my turtle?" asked Jake.
"No, no, no, no, but he - He stepped on it getting out of bed" said Karen.
"But you said that Graham Crackers got married and moved in with his wife. How did I not know about any of this stuff?" Jake said.
"Well, because you were a kid, and kids don't actually know a lot about their parents. Jake, I've dated a lot of men in the last twenty years" Karen said.
"You have?" Jake asked.
"A lot" Karen said.
"Okay, you don't have to put so much mustard on it" said Jake.
"And I haven't met anyone that I like. But I like your father. And I know he has been a selfish jerk, but he really has changed. Last month when I had bronchitis, he flew in on his day off just to bring me soup. It was this weird Canadian soup. I- I think it was just all cheese. But it was really nice" said Karen.
Jake sighed. "Man, I feel stupid. I was just trying to protect you, but I clearly made everything worse."
"You have been protecting me since you were a kid. Sometimes I think you got so good at it, you decided to become a cop and protect everyone" said Karen.
"Oh, that's a cool thought, but I became a cop because of Die Hard" said Jake.
"I love you" said Karen.
"I love you too, Mom" said Jake.
"Come here" said Karen, and they hugged.
--------------------------
Jake and Karen walked out of the house.
"Hey, honey. Thanks for bringing Roger back" said Karen.
"You're very welcome. Hey, by the way, y/n was really nervous to meet you, so don't judge her to harshly by some of her weird behaviour" said Jake.
"Oh, no. I'm dating my son of a bitch ex-husband. Who am I to judge?" asked Karen. "I think she's really great."
"I think you're really great too" said y/n from the car window.
"She's very good at lip reading" said Jake.
"I wouldn't say I'm very good. I mean, what about deaf people?" asked y/n.
"Just can't stop" said Jake.
"I'll let you guys talk" said y/n.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake. "Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said. "For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you." "I like you too" you said. Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
