"Hey" said Jake as y/n walked into the briefing room.
"Hey" you said.
"So, I marked all the corners where taxi has been spotted on this map. You'll probably notice right away that it makes the shape of a book" said Jake.
"This looks great and it confirms Devon's story. He says his dealer hangs out here, in the underboob. He said he'll point him out to us. You can approach on foot from the south, and me and Devon will be in an unmarked car here" you said, pointing at the map.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just say me and Devon?" asked Jake.
"Oh, my God. I really need some sleep" you said, drinking more coffee.
"Don't you mean 'me really need some sleep?'" asked Jake. "Wait, no, we're both equally bad at grammar."
"I am good at grammar, I am exhausted because you refuse to buy a new mattress like a normal person would!" you said.
"All right, why don't you just get a new back?" asked Jake. "I didn't mean that. We're not fighting. We can totally work together. We're fine."
"Yeah, that wasn't a fight. That was just sexy workplace banter" you said.
"Exactly! I mean, mattresses are also sexy 'cause that's where you do it" said Jake.
"And who cares about one small grammar mistake?" you asked.
"Point is, we're good" said Jake.
"Yeah" you said.
-----------------------------
Jake walked across a road.
"All right. You're almost to the corner. You sure you're not gonna be spotted?" you said through a comm.
"Absolutely. My cover makes me invisible" said Jake, who was dressed as an environmentalist. He turned to someone walking down the street. "Excuse me, ma'am. Do you have two minutes to talk about the environment?"
She hurriedly walked away.
"Nailed it. Now, no one will make eye contact with me" said Jake.
"I think it's cute. You're like a grad student" you said.
"Ah, you like that? You want me to tell you about the time that I backpacked through the Netherlands?" suggested Jake.
"Ooh, what happened? That sounds cool" you said. "Did you go to the Leiden Canals?"
"Is that what you want me to have done?" asked Jake.
"Hey, there's my dealer" said Devon.
"Jake, gray jacket. Six o'clock" you said.
Jake turned around. "Excuse me, sir. Do you have two minutes to talk about the environment? NYPD! Freeze! We got a rabbit!"
Jake began to run after the perp.
"He's headed for the building" you said, quickly getting out of the car and running after him.
"I'll just stay here" said Devon.
You and Jake followed the perp into a building.
"All right, let's split up and meet around back" said Jake.
You went up the stairs, gun ready.
"Damn it, why didn't they want to use the Shoulder Nova things?" you complained as you dropped your torch.
You looked around a corner and saw the perp. "NYPD! Freeze!"
He began to run again and you shouted "Jake, he's coming your way!"
Jake ran after the perp and tackled him onto a mattress.
"Nice takedown" you said.
"Thanks" said Jake.
"Oh, my God" you said.
"What?" asked Jake.
"Nothing, nothing. Let's just take this guy in" you said.
"No. What is it?" asked Jake.
"It's just... this mattress looks exactly the same as your one at home" you said.
"What? No, it doesn't. I mean, sure, there are a couple of similarities, but... oh, man. It's the exact same one. Ugh! I have a dumpster mattress!" said Jake. "All right, that settles it. We're going mattress shopping."
You gasped. "Seriously? This is amazing. I'm so proud of it. You know, once we get it, we'll have to break it in."
"Oh, I hear what you're saying: Mattress trampoline. Wait, no. You were talking about sex" said Jake.
Y/n nodded.
"Then mattress trampoline" said Jake.
"Sure" you said.
--------------------------
Y/n and Jake walked into the mattress shop.
"Wow. This is what a proper mattress looks like, Jake" you said.
"And they're all about to be tested. Bouncy styles" said Jake.
"I love this mattress" you said as you and Jake lay back on it, holding hands.
"And it loves having you in it" said a voice.
"God?" asked Jake.
"It's Brian" said Brian.
"Oh" said Jake.
"And I'm obsessed with giving you a good night's sleep" said Brian.
"Hello, Brian. Coming on a little strong there, buddy and I'm digging it. How much to take this bad boy home?" Jake asked.
"Actually, that's one of our more reasonable models" Brian said.
Jake looked at the price. "Holy Moses! That is much to much money."
"Well, you spent double that amount because you wanted Mr Met to come to your birthday party" you said.
"Yeah, and it was worth it. Mr Met used my bathroom. Number two. That's a memory I will cherish forever" said Jake.
"Yes, this mattress may be expensive, but they're worth it. It's an investment. You're gonna be using that mattress for a long time" you said.
"True, but it's also still just a mattress, you know?" asked Jake. "It's a lot of money to spend on a rectangle that's filled with springs and goose hair."
"Feathers. Geese have feathers. You know that" you said.
"I didn't" said Jake.
"And, it would be money well spent because it would allow me to actually sleep in your bed" you said.
"But I already have a mattress" said Jake.
"A dumpster mattress" you reminded him.
"It just doesn't seem worth it" said Jake.
"Okay, well, to me, it sounds like you're saying I'm not worth it. So I'm gonna go home tonight and sleep in my grown-up mattress that wasn't around in the 1800s, and you're not coming with me" you said.
Y/n walked away from Jake, grabbed her coat and left.
"You know, she's right about mattresses being an investment" said Brian.
"Back off, Brian" said Jake.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake. "Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said. "For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you." "I like you too" you said. Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
