The Mattress Part 1

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Scully walked over to Jake. "Hey, Jakey, the place on the corner is serving lemonade, and you get to keep the jar. It's pretty cool."

"Yes, that's very cool, Scully" said Jake, standing up.

"Mm-hmm" said Scully.

"Will you excuse me for one moment?" asked Jake.

"Oh, sure" Scully said.

----------------------

Gina, Jake and Charles ran into the break room and closed the door behind them.

"Guys, guys. Scully has a mason jar full of lemonade" said Jake.

"You called us in here to tell us that?" asked Terry.

"No, I called you in here to change your lives! For, you see, a mere five minutes ago, Hitchcock introduced me to his new goldfish, who lives in... An identical mason jar!" said Jake, pointing to Hitchcock and Scully's desk.

"Oh, this isn't gonna end well" you said, watching Scully and Hitchcock.

"There are two possible outcomes, and we're gonna bet on which one happens first. So, will Hitchcock put fish food in Scully's lemonade, or will Scully drink Hitchcock's goldfish?" asked Jake. "Now, you would think that putting fish food into lemonade - "

"Hitchcock just drank his own fish" said Rosa.

"What? Nooooooooooo!" said Jake, 

Y/n walked into the bullpen late, carrying coffee

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Y/n walked into the bullpen late, carrying coffee.

"Y/n, why are you late? You left mine at the same time I did" asked Jake, looking.

"Yeah, I'm late, it's no big deal. I went home from your place to shower, and I'm so tired that I fell asleep on my couch" you said, sitting down next to Jake's desk.

"But we went to sleep early. Property Brothers was over at ten" said Jake. "I mean... Sex. We do it. She's tired from all the doing it."

"Who are you talking to?" you asked.

"Precinct" Jake said.

"Come on, Jake" you said.

"Yeah, okay" said Jake.

"No, I was up all night because your dumb, lumpy mattress is so uncomfortable" you said.

"What? But I gave you the good lump" said Jake.

"There is no good lump. Now, I've got to finish eating my coffee, and then I've got a ton of paperwork to do" you complained, walking back to your desk.

With a British accent, Gina said "Ooh, a lover's quarrel."

"No, I'm just tired" you said.

"I didn't ask for part two" said Gina.

"Never fear, y/n, for I have the solution to all of your problems: highly potent liquid speed" said Jake.

"Oh, your gonna love that stuff" said the perp sitting at Jake's desk.

"Devon, we're cops. Read the room" said Jake. "But I know you'll be excited, because I busted Devon here with four vials of this, which is a new drug called..."

"Taxi! You actually found some?" you asked excitedly.

"Yup. You were right. It's popping up on the corners" said Jake.

"Man, my sources are the best" you said.

"So, what do you say? Shall we take this partnership from the sheets to the streets?" asked Jake.

"Ooh, our first case as a couple" you said.

"Why not?" asked Jake.

Charles stopped by Jake's desk. "Hey, guys. I just discovered a new drug too. It's called 'your relationship' and I'm high on it."

"Charles, I'm gonna need you to back off, man" said Jake.

"Roger that" said Charles, and walked off.

"Yeah" said Jake.

--------------------

"It's called taxi because it's yellow and it takes you where you need it to be" you said, handing Holt a vial of taxi.

"Drug dealers have gotten so creative. It used to just be 'crack,' and then they'd be like 'Hey, we got a new one. What are we gonna call this?' And they'd go 'I don't know, crank?'" said Jake.

"This is certainly worth following up on. L/n, take Boyle, and work the case" said Holt.

"Oh, but Jake - I mean, Detective Peralta brought in the perp, so - " you said.

"Good point. Peralta and Boyle can work the case" Holt said, handing the vial of taxi to Jake.

"Actually, sir, I think we were kind of hoping we could work the case together" said Jake.

"Oh, are you two no longer..." said Holt.

"Smooshing booties?" suggested Jake.

"Yes, that's exactly how I was gonna finish my sentence" Holt said.

"Figured" Jake said.

"We are still dating. It's all okay though. HR gets updates and are BCC'd on all our emails to each other" you said.

"That's why HR Jim keeps high fiving me" said Jake.

"As a rule, I don't put couples in the field together, but you are two of my best detectives, so I will allow it. Just don't let any personal issues distract you from your work" said Holt.

"You have nothing to worry about. There's no personal issues here. We've never had a fight" Jake said.

"It's true. Our only close call was when Jake didn't know who your/favourite/celebrity is" you said.

"Really? I shouldn't get involved. Good luck with the case" said Holt.

"Thank you" you said.


It's 1:20am right now.

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