He saved me from the burning pyre of my late husband and in exchange I gave him a lifetime of devotion.
My marriage with my late husband could not called a marriage for several reasons. Despite managing my single life alone as the head maid of the...
She left, and I did not know why I felt so bad. This realisation was happening in my heart that I should not force her to come to me. I should not have cut my hand to come here and see me. If she continued seeing and talking to me, she would fall for me even more without her knowledge.
I palmed my face and sighed with frustration.
This was the perfect example of a fucked up life. You have a wife, but you do not have a wife. You have someone you love, but you cannot tell her.
She was right. There was no doubt about it. But I did not know I would fall in love after what happened in my past. I mean, after sleeping with that married Princess, I was sure that I would not find love, so I did not have any reason to be clean.
And now, it seems like what I manifested unconsciously had come before me, becoming my reality. I did not know my fear had turned into darkness, and I did not know, but I felt like I should stay away from her.
My presence would not make her feel any good but traumatised. And I did not want any sympathetic relationship.
I knew I just saved her and filled the vermillion in her hair to protect her. It did not mean that she had to stay with me.
Oh God!
Please. Make me forget everything, I am begging you.
I inhaled deeply and finished my bath before changing into fresh clothes. I had already hurt her much; I should let her be happy and leave her alone to live her life. She did not need me. She did not make any commitments.
And, I could not keep her against my will. I had to get over her for the sake of her and me.
I returned to my bedroom and collected some papers and an ink pot to map Mehrangarh's plan.
Stepping into the reading room, I spread the map of Mehrangarh wide on the table.
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I stared blankly at it, unable to understand how we could lead the war and abrupt the plan of invaders without getting anyone harmed.
They would cross the river and get near Mehrangarh, where their cannons would await them. We had to fight three things: one was the canons, the other was the enemy soldiers, and the third one was the uninvited problem.
I sighed deeply and leaned over the table to stare at the image of the mountains, and the vision of the underground, empty water channel was blurring my mind.
But, most of it, my brain seemed too occupied with Suman.
I shook my head. She did not need me. I reminded myself. I had to focus on the war. I could not put everyone's life at stake just because I felt hurt.
I did not know, but she said she would not judge me. I understood her pain; no wife would want her husband's past to be like that. But, our marriage did not happen in lovely conveniences. It was not a complete marriage even.
