Sumanika ~ The Prince's Widowed Bride

44 ~ Suman feels Hurt

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Suman POV

"I never got the chance to tell her about me. It hurt me for days. I thought I could save her, protect her from the bad, from the other men, but I did not have the courage to do that. I could not tell anyone about this. And then I started running away from the emptiness, guilt and regret, all together with me,"

He broke a little, letting the tears roll down his cheeks.

"I started to feel weaker, even more than earlier. I tried to focus on my studies and bring my attention back to the things. I never knew where my life was taking me. I was getting restless day by day. I could not forget what had happened all this while. Then, one day, my teacher asked me to get some information for a Kingdom. I felt happy with such an opportunity. He put his trust in me, and I began the mission,"

He said, and I looked at the slight smile on his face.

"I was determined to get this information about a trade between two Kingdoms. I tried to be a soldier and keep an eye on him, but he got suspicious and removed me from the post. I lost the chance to walk into the Kingdom, but I got the information that the King was going into a celebration, and the dancers had been called from a renowned dance house. I went to this dance house and tried to make some contacts, which I failed terribly as the women would not talk to a man. But, there was this adult woman who pulled me into her room and asked me what I wanted. I told her that I wanted to get this information and all. She smiled looking at me and told me that she would do that, but in exchange, I had to do something for her,"

I thinned my brows and asked.

"What did she ask you to do?"

He lowered his gaze and looked at me.

"What would a woman ask a young, good-looking man to do?" He replied, and I inhaled sharply.

"Oh,"

He nodded. "She asked me for the same thing but I wanted to be clean, I wanted to do this without any of the dirty thing. She refused. I offered him money, double what I was offering before. She said she would get plenty of money dancing in the celebrations. She wanted to rule a man for a night. The way men used to rule her. She was enraged to treat a man like she was getting treated by men. I understood the pain behind her words, and I did not have much option. I agreed. She asked me to be on my knees,"

He said, and my eyes widened with shock. But I did not say anything.

"I did whatever she asked me to do that night. She dominated me, releasing all of her frustration with men. She pulled my hair, choked my neck and filled my ear with cursing words. That day, I felt scared of a woman. I literally did. I had never seen such sight of a man before. I remained silent, but did not hurt me. And, in the morning she agreed to do that for me and told me how she was kidnapped and brought here because she was beautiful. I did not know what I was doing, Suman,"

He said and looked at me with a tearful gaze. I did not know what to say.

"I do not want to keep you in the dark, Suman. I do not know what part of my past would stand before me any day; I just do not want you to be sad and surprised about it,"

He said, and I smiled weakly.

"You know, after that, I accepted that I was a bad man, a bad human being. I accepted that I was good for nothing, and my life took a depressing turn from there. I did get the information for that Kingdom, but in exchange, I lost a part of me, like all the time. My teacher was happy with her, and he started to ask me to get some information often. I made contacts. You know, there is a strange thing about this world. People say that it's dominated by men. You say that men make the rules and men own it. But, surprisingly, my experience was different. I had found no man without touch with a woman. And, I had not found any woman who was not hurt by any man. I learned this and started to use it as my trick. I would be good to woman, she would be good to me, and it would always be win-win,"