Only best friends? | Jake Peralta x reader

The Vulture (part 1)

"Hey, you guys see the dude I brought in today- the drug dealer?
81 years old.
I think it's the oldest collar of my entire career" Jake said to Amy, Y/n and Rosa, sitting on his chair.

"I once arrested a 96-year-old for flashing.
I was terrified he'd die in my backseat...
or flash me" Amy added.

"My oldest collar was 78, but the pcp made her fight like she was 20" Rosa mentioned.

"My oldest one was 87, I arrested her in a hospice, she kept knocking other elderly people unconscious by hitting them on the head because she lost in card games" Y/n claimed.

"That's something I would absolutely do" Jake commented, smiling at her.

"What about two 50-year-old twins? Does that count as a 100-year-old?" Scully said, breaking in the conversation.

"No good".

"No".

They shook their heads in disapproval.

"You talking oldest bags? 68" Boyle stated, proud of himself.

"That's not that old" Amy replied.

"Yeah, but I was only 20".

"20? Were you even a cop then?" Jake asked.

"No, man, it was before I got into the academy".

"What had that woman done to get arrested?" Y/n asked, trying to understand.

"Nothing...?" He answered.

"Charles isn't talking about his oldest arrest" Rosa realized, making a smirk.

Everyone was disgusted "Ew!"

"Yeah, oldest arrest-- 68, like I said".

"God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your 20s?" Jake nearly shouted.

"When you have a chance to bed an older woman, you--"

"No, that is not an older woman. That's an old woman! That's someone's grandma!"

"She was, actually. That's how I met her.
Went to college with her grandson Marvin.
Don't--don't knock it till you try it.
She had a replacement hip with some serious torque. It was like having sex with a transformer"

Everyone groaned in disgust.

"No. That is no one's fantasy!
Y/n, please, follow me, I'm traumatized, I don't want to be alone or I will imagine the scene" Jake said, half laughing and walking away.

"Sorry, I have to go, he could be drinking some bleach any minute" she said, also walking away.
_____________________________

99th Precinct
Morning Briefing
8:30 am

"Peralta... where are we on the Lincoln Place murder?" Terry asked him.

"Well, like I told captain Holt earlier this week, we are at the one-yard line.
It's a football reference" Jake replied.

"Yes, Jake. I played linebacker at Syracuse" the sergeant commented.

"Really? In high school, I played center field in the musical damn yankees" Charles added, proud of himself.

"Yeah, you don't want to brag about that".

"Peralta, you want to loop everyone in?" Holt asked.

"Ehh..."

"That was not a request".

"Fine" he groaned.
"Get ready for some stuff on a screen. Meet Fred Gorman-- prominent citizen, lawyer, corpse.
Now meet his wife, Ann Hoert. She did not take
his last name, but I believe she did take his life".