Only best friends? | Jake Peralta x reader

The new Captain (part 2)

Morgenthau's apartment
1:15 PM

"Ok, so the perp came in through the window, left the muddy red footprint, and apparently had sex with the dish rack" Jake started to 'describe' the crime scene.

"Shell casing found here. Two shots. Bang bang" Amy continued.

"Great work, detective. You get a tie" Jake said, throwing the tie at Amy.

"I want one too!" Y/n said, touching Jake's arm.

"Of course, love" Peralta said, taking a tie from his jacket and tying it around Y/n's neck.

"Thanks" Y/n said, smiling.

"Hey, that's mine. You took it from my desk" Boyle broke into the conversation.

"That's right, Charles. Good solve. Tie for you" Jake answered him, throwing another tie at Charles.

"Thanks!" Boyle said happily.

"Now everyone be sure to put those on because it's impossible to solve crimes unless you're wearing a tie".

"You're right, I feel smarter" Y/n said, adjusting her tie around her neck.

"Lay off the captain. That man is gonna be my rabbi" Amy said, kissing the captain's ass.

"Okay, first of all, when you use the word 'rabbi', you know that turns me on and that's unfair in the work environment.
Secondly, you rabbi is a pain in my ass" Jake explained.

"Ew" Y/l/n said, looking at Jake with disgust.

"Yeah, he's a little too serious. What do you think, Rosa?" Charles asked.

"He seems cool".

"Yeah, he seems cool. I agree" Boyle said, agreeing with Rosa.

"Looks like the perp stole a computer, a watch, and a jamon iberico ham, valued at - WHAT?! $6.000" Rosa said, laughing lightly.

"$6.000 for a ham?" Jake asked surprised.

"As soon as you eat it, do you poop, like, gold?" Y/n seriously.

"I hadn't thought of that, would it be hard gold poop or soft gold poop?" Jake asked curiously.

"I think it would be hard" Y/n said.

"Yeah, you're right" He said, patting her back.

"Jamon iberico is an amazing cured ham from Spain. They had it at my uncle's funeral. I gorged myself at that funeral. I mean, I was constipated for three days" Charles said, introducing the very useful anecdote.

"Wow, that's a great story, Charles, thank you" Jake said ironically.

Charles laughed.

"All right, listen up, everybody. Better contact captain Holt, let him know we got a ten-tie situation" Jake said to everyone.

"Speaking of ties, where's yours, Meep Morp?" Holt asked, entering the room.

"This is fantastic... Captain! Hey! Welcome to the murder. What are you doing here?" Jake asked.

"I like to know what my detectives are up to. That okay by you?".

"Yep".

"Take Y/l/n and knock on doors. See if the neighbors heard anything".

"Door duty? It's a waste of time".

"Diaz and Boyle, check in the coroner. Report back to me in a hour" Holt stated, then he left the room.

Jake sighed "that went well".

"No, it didn't" the captain yelled from the other room.

"He's got like super hearing".