Jaella's POV
"I think I'm pregnant." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.
Slowly, I raised my head to look at Spencer, who hasn't uttered a single word. He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again, resembling a fish in water.
"Though I'm not one hundred percent sure," I quickly clarify, trying to fill the silence. "This could just be a false alarm."
He holds out his hand and gently pulls me closer to him. I let out a shuddery breath as he wraps his arms around me and begins to rub small soothing circles on my back. He places a comforting kiss on top of my head. I feel the relief flooding through my veins. My mind had been imagining every scenario, most of them ending with Spencer closing the apartment door behind him.
"Are you sure it's mine?"
"Spencer.." I say in a warning tone.
"Right sorry, just trying to take it all in. How long have you known?" He asks softly.
"Six days," I reply, my head still pressed against his chest. "I just couldn't tell you over the phone."
"And you waited to find out until I got back?" He enquires, still in disbelief.
I grip onto the back of his sweater tightly. "I've done this too many times in the past, alone. I need to have you with me for this," I reply with a shaky voice. "If the test comes out positive, what should we do?"
He places his hands on my shoulders and holds me away from him, looking deep into my eyes. "We'll figure it out, together. Okay?"
I nod silently, biting my lip to prevent myself from crying.
"Would you want to keep it?" I ask slowly.
He gives me a reassuring smile. "Jaella, if there was any possibility that I could have a baby, especially one with 23 of your chromosomes, I would welcome that child with open arms."
I pull him into a needy kiss, crashing his lips to mine. He cups the side of my face, whilst gently wiping away the salty tears that have begun spilling down my cheeks. Once we break apart, I dry my eyes and look up to see him watching me already.
"Spencer, I love you so much," I tell him, meaning every single word.
"I love you too Jaella," he whispers back. "And if this ends up happening, I will love that baby just as much."
A couple of minutes later, I join him and sit on the floor with my back against the wall. My fingers tap wildly at my side. He notices and takes my hand in his, placing gentle kisses on my knuckles. I look at the clock hanging on the wall ticking loudly, taunting me of the time passing.
"Only one more minute," I say, just above a whisper.
"Hey don't worry," Spencer breathes out, sounding like he should take his own advice.
I clear my throat and slowly stand, my fingers resume their tapping. "Do you mind if I look at it first?" I ask.
He nods encouragingly. I make my way to the bathroom, heart beating faster and louder with each step. I take the test from beside the sink with shaky hands and flip it over, to see my fate.
My knees buckle under me and I collapse to the ground.
"Jaella? Are you alright?" I hear Spencer call from outside the door. I stay silent, unable to utter any words. "I'm coming in."
The doorknob turns and he makes his way over to me, taking in my appearance. He glances at the test on the countertop and kneels in front of me, whispering softly. "It's gonna be okay. We'll work this out."
Sobs rack through my body as I mourn the child that was never there. I think of the memories that were never there; cradling a baby in my arms, first words, first steps. It's not logical. It genuinely makes no sense. Slowly, over the past six days, I've subconsciously fallen in love with the idea of a family. A family that love each other, something I've never had. I welcomed the notion of having a family to fill some part of me that just wanted to belong.
We stay on the floor for hours, both feeling the saddening weight of our loss.
How can you loose something that you've never had?
What the two heartbroken agents curled together on the bathroom floor, didn't know was that a little less than two years later, the singular line that appeared on the pregnancy test, would double, granting them the family they both longed deeply for.
YOU ARE READING
Sinner | Spencer Reid
Fanfiction"He tends to ramble a lot," she says leaning in closer. "I don't mind it," I reply. "Actually, I think it's kind of cute." Jaella Fox, an FBI agent with seductive skills is called to the BAU to help with a murder case. She meets a man with hazel e...
