Beyond Her Exterior

Chapter 53: can't be scared for forever

Nightmare after nightmare, every single night for the past two weeks. It's got to the point where I've been forcing Daisy and Gabe to sleep in my room with me every night. I know they're sick of it and I can't even blame them a little bit. I just, I can't sleep alone.

I'm petrified of the dark because what if they are hiding within it? I'm petrifed of my window being unlocked because anyone can climb through it.

My dad has upped the security system since I told him about seeing Carson at the movies. I keep getting check ups with the cops, or my school counselors. I'm paranoid about everything.

I'll scream if I even hear a pin drop.

Sighing, I laid on my bed staring at my ceiling. I've been texting Marshall nonstop today trying to catch up with him because I miss his presence, and I miss his Mom. I miss his home, and the love it brought me. Don't get me wrong, I recieve unlimited love here but sometimes you just get homesick from other places you've been too.

He said he's going to come visit me soon. I really hope he does.

"Get up sista." I heard Lindsay shout as she jumped onto my bed, scaring the living shit out of me. I screamed at the top of my lungs nearly having a heart attack.

"Don't do that ever again!" I said, kicking her with my feet, making her fall back. She sits back up on her knees quite enthusiastically and starts laughing.

"Come on, we're going out."

"I don't really want to go out." I reply, getting off my bed and heading off to my closet pulling out one of Gabe's many hoodies that I've stolen off him. Pulling it over my body, I turned around to see Lindsay scowling. I sigh, "I wanna stay in the comfort of my own home."

"I get it but I don't think you wallowing away in here is fine. You should go out, live, have some fun. You can't be scared for forever lifes not enjoyable like that. Not to mention you'd be letting those fuckers win."

"I'll take an easy loss if it means I get to live to see another day." I grumble. Part of me wouldn't mind going out... maybe to the mall to buy some food and just shop for the day. But the other, more rational side of myself is telling me how risky that is.

I love myself, and I don't want anything to happen to me. If anything I'm guarding myself from the danger of outside of this house.

"Cmon...... Lexi." She whined, causing me to watch her intently. Don't give in. She'll stop soon. "Lexi....orange chicken and beef lo mein?" Don't crack Lexi. Don't crack.

"Hate to be an eavesdropper but maybe Lindsay is right hun, go out and have a good time. You've been cooped up in here everyday, only leaving to go to school. Don't let your fears and paranoia get the best of yourself." Bianca says as she peeked her head in the doorway.

"I don't know man." I mumble, debating if two hours in the real world will kill me. "Where's Gabe and Gray?"

"Out playing basketball with some of their friends." She responds before leaving with her laundry hamper in hand.

Lowkey, I wished they were here so they could tag along too and help me feel just a teeny tiny bit safer.

"Let's just go to the mall for about an hour and then come back here... is that fine?"

"Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be?"

The mall was deader than normal today. I was expecting crowds and crowds of people considering it was a Saturday afternoon but there wasn't anyone here. It felt like a ghosttown. I followed after Lindsay into H&M and browsed the racks of clothes trying to find something that interested me but I came up short.